Dentures, Oompa Lumpas, and a few Ninjas

You really start to re-evaluate your social life when you look forward to orthodontics. Suddenly that schedule book seems to look really empty when the most exciting thing planned for the evening is to put in my dentures. Not LITERAL dentures, but- well,lemme explain.

My long and sordid history with my orthodontist began when I was 9 and hasn't stopped yet. Apparently my parents bestowed me with naturally messed-up teeth so i've been correcting their twisted ways with braces, retainers, and this torturous looking steel device called a "Mara". My teeth, now straight and dazzling(ish) look pretty great except for weird shaped stains from my toothy past. Getting back to the dentures. They aren't actually dentures, more like...clear plastic teeth slipcovers. Basically it's this tray that I fill with bleach gel every night and sleep in. After a month or two of this my teeth should be pristine and white as the snow falling outside my window right now. Supposedly. Except I hope my teeth don't fall out, too.

 Anyway, this is what it looks like: 

Sad, I know, considering this is the most exciting thing that has happened to me lately. Getting bleaching trays. It's better than nothing, though. At least now I can complete my scary early-morning look. I wake up, groaning and grumbly trying to walk upstairs with my hands out (Frankenstein-style). My eyes are rolling around trying to stand the light of day and my hair is an alarming, quivering mass. If my sisters weren't already wary enough, I growl, reach up into my mouth, and rip out the entire top row of my teeth. Ahhh, I love the sound of fleeing munchkins in the morning. 

Here is a list of fun things you can to with bleaching trays/dentures:

-Scare people, obviously.

-Spray paint them gold (after you're done with them) for instant gangsta smile bling.

-The above, only with a bedazzle-er. 

-When you'r somewhere you're not supposed to be and someone walks use the old "Lost My Contact!" cover-up except with your see-through bleach tray. Then, when you "find" it, you wave it around triumphantly and then pop the fake/inviable tray into your mouth. It will not only distract the person but probably make them avoid you for the rest of their lives.

-Fill them with Jello and make sweet...teeth-flavored molds. Or not. That'd be kinda weird.

Come to think of it, something more exciting than my dental life did happen today. My older brother, Jonmark, is home from college on Spring Break! He looked like he was about to take a little snooze on his waffle tonight because of the recent "Bataan Death March" he went on. Before you start figmenting outrageous and creepy ideas as to what that might be, my brother is in R.O.T.C. So it's a military thing. In his own words it was, "A three day marathon with weights on our backs through the desert." Again, I admire the military, but I think i'd rather become a Math Teacher than join it. Considering that "becoming a math teacher" is somewhere in the top 10 worst things that could happen, #2 being Death, this is a serious statement. I can barely make it through one of my brother's war movies, let alone a 27 mile "Death March" with a 45 pound pack! 

He was one of the survivors when they returned from the wasteland, but his skin did not get so lucky. He was as red as the strawberries he heaped on his waffle at dinner. And, in a true man/older brother fashion, instead of just letting us admire his redneck (literally), he HAD to take off his shirt and display his sunburn. If he just so happened to also expose a hard-earned new set of muscles, well so be it.*sigh* It's a hard life being in the military.

I couldn't spare a moment to admire his muscles because I was too busy laughing at the mental image of a bunch of muscular oompa lumpas running through the desert in camo and military-grade boots. I know you want to giggle. Just let it out. Right now. you'll regret it if you don't! If you don't giggle than my ninja minions will pounce on you from the ceiling where they lay in wait. Ha! Made you look. ...but I got so paranoid that I looked up too. So Ha HA! Made us both look! 

Live Long and Laugh,

-Hannah

Film Friday!

Friday at my house is Movie Night: a time to unwind and start off the weekend with a fun flick. So, I thought, why not share the cinematic goodness? Every Friday (if  I remember) i'll try to post a random vid(s) that I watched this past week and found entertaining and will share it/them with you, my lovely readers! If you have a suggestion for next Friday's vid, want to share one of your favorites in a link, or show your support leave a comment below.
So, for my first Film Friday, a little spice:



And a portal to very possibly my favorite Youtube vlogger in the world:



(Be warned, some of his videos are absolutely lovely and cute. Occasionally he will make a...not so cute/not so family friendly one. There are some real gems, though!)

So there you have it: our very first Film Friday! Check back next Friday for more, nyaa!
Bad Wolf,
-Hannah

How to Sleep on a Plane

Sleeping on a plane comes more naturally to some than others. Theres the kind of people who fall asleep on the ride to the airport in anticipation of sleeping on the plane (Mrs.Steen!), then theres the people who are shivering at every hint of turbulence that they can't blink for fear it will somehow disturb the cabin pressure and send the whole aircraft into a crash-landing. Then you have my kind of person. 

I've always, will always, and am a person who hates missing out on anything. That one person who will hold it throughout the entire movie after drinking one too many jumbo Coka-Cola's because I might miss an important plot twist while i'm gone. Despite my long history of sleeping in weird places at weird times in weird ways, how can you expect me to not stay up the entire flight watching movies on that little personal t.v./computer entertainment console thing?! It's torture, truly. 

So, coming from the girl who has slept comfortably on a mound of hangers, on a blanket of textbooks, and in the splits, I present my list of my top 10 ways to fall asleep on a plane:

1) Buy 2-4 seats all next to each other and make a bed with the tissue packet pillows, suitcases, and blankets stolen from other sleeping passengers. If you're broke, make a bed in the aisle. You will probably be stepped on and scolded by the attendants and/or stick to the ground. 

2) Spend a load a dough on noise-cancelling headphones, fall asleep in a pretzel shape, and wake up alone in an airplane hanger at midnight. You might be 5 time zones away from your destination because you didn't hear the announcements over the speakers, but at least you got that shut-eye!

3) Ask the kind passenger to hit you, quite hard, in the head with their concrete airplane dinner roll.

4) If the dinner roll only induced a headache, not unconsciousness, then curl into the fetal position and use the stranger's lap as your pillow. Note: Try to avoid this measure unless you are very good friends with and or related too the passenger.Also, the plumper the passenger, the more comfortable. 

5) Scare yourself to sleep. Be as paranoid as possible. Think about being a kite in the wind, millions of miles above the jagged earth's crust. Imagine what would happen if someone opened a door, or if that man across the aisle isn't a mascara salesman as he appears to be but is actually a terrorist! Soon you should faint from the terror of it all and safely sleep until a gentle landing. 

6) Warm is the key. wear your ridiculous Caterpillar fluff socks, wear your worn-in clothes, and don't be fancy with your hair. It's going to be screaming for a brush at the end of the flight anyway. Bring a coat that can double as a blanket and possibly invest in one of those little foamy neck brace/pillow things. If the air conditioning is really cranked up ask for a cup of hot coco and make a small fire on your pull-out tray with the empty sugar packets and complimentary peanuts. 

7) The lunch tray is your best friend when trying to sleep on a plane. I've found that the most comfortable way to sleep is to put my pillow on the tray, put my head on the pillow, and then cover myself entirely with a blanket (if I have one). Seriously, try it. 

8) If you are of age or can pull it off, ask for champagne. I've heard it works quite well for getting drowsy. Unfortunately, it also works quite well for getting drunk. Either way you'll get sleep, whether you fall asleep naturally or have to be tasered by a flight attendant. Not that I would know a thing about that. Of course. 0.0 Not a thing. Nope. Totally innocent. Uh-huh. Really.


Moving on...

9) If you are desperate, flexible, and conspicuous enough the suitcase storage container above your seat could be the bed for you. Plus you could snoop with a flashlight into your fellow passenger's suitcases. 

10) When all else fails, pack your math book into your carry-on. Recline your seat all the way (1/4 inch), contort for several minutes until you find the most comfortable position, kick off your shoes, and proceed to read the math book. I can guarantee that you will be asleep in no time. Seriously, who can stay awake when reading about how the mean of an polynomial is directly equivalent to the negative quadratic when raised to the second power and multiplied by....by...bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...z.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...........zzzzzzzzzzzzz...  

Disco Sheep,

-Hannah

Seals in my Math Class

Today was messed up.  When I first woke up this early morning (you can bet your muffin not be choice) it was pitch-black. Thats because I was so groggy I wandered around for the first few minutes after getting up with my eyes closed.  When I bumped into a table and did open them, it was still pitch-black. And covered in damp snow. It was a Spring Winter Wonderland. Thats ironic right there.

I've noticed that right after I wake up my thoughts are all floaty and nonsensical. For example i'll be brushing my teeth and my thoughts will go something like this:

Oh.

My toothbrush is in my mouth.

I don't remember putting it there.

I don't remember walking up the stairs.

Oooo, bristly. Like Butter. I like my toothbrush. It's so nice.

My hair is messy. It looks like a pod of baby seals live in it.

Giggle, giggle.

Baby seals, ha. Thats ridiculous because only full-grown seals exist.

Silly me.

(BTW, google "baby seals" for cuteness overload)

zzzzzzz....zzzzzzz.....zzzzz....SNORGLE.....zzzzz...

HuH!

Oh, I fell asleep.

Standing up.

In the bathroom.

Why am I in the bathroom?

My toothbrush is in my mouth. 

I don't remember brushing my teeth. All I remember is...seals.

Brush, brush, brush, merrily down the sink, merrily merrily merrily; life is but a snore!

Hee hee hee. 

Am I still brushing my teeth?

My toothbrush is in my mouth.

How does it keep sneaking in?

So....yeah. Thats what my brain sounds like in the a.m. Its a scary thing. I sound exactly the same when I've been drugged before a tonsil operation. 

Back to the bizarre day. Somehow my brain pulled itself together and we all piled into the car with most of our important papers and bags and children at a reasonable time. As we traveled into the dank city the snow began disappearing until we reached homelink and it disappeared completely, as if it had never been there.

When (after a exhaustive and hot day) we left too early too. Well, technically it was the "right" time but thanks to daylight savings it was still light out. I kept looking out my window on the drive home and thinking, "I have too go to Literature Class now! Oh, wait. we're going home."

I hate Daylight Savings time. It messes up my life and inner clock. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, TIME! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU? Well, besides wasting you occasionally. 

Some odd things I did today:

-Explained "Silver Ring Thing" to a Jewish Juggler

-Ate just the crust of a Chicken Pot Pie.

-Discussed whether or not fruit cups existed in the 19th century

-Ate an orphaned pop tart

-Discussed the pros and cons and gloriousness of a pool filled with Jello

-And a bananna canoe

-And whipped cream wars (yeah, we were hungry) 

-Leaned like a Cholo (clean version!) in my red shorts

-Received loads of candy, chocolate, and a Hello Kitty stuffed animal (Kawaii!) for White Day (Japanese Holiday). Did I mention I got CHOCOLATE?

-Admired my male classmate's pink painted toes. Seriously.

-Made Chicken-Noodle-Mountain-Dew-Soup

-Celebrated! It's Spring Break, baby!

I'm unbelievably tired. Like every Tuesday night. I'm like a starved person in the desert, only i'm sleep-deprived and my desired oasis is a bed. I've started hallucinating. During dinner tonight I'd almost convinced myself that my plate was a porcelain pillow and was this close to face-planting right then and there into my spaghetti and taking a little snooze. This keyboard is starting to look awfully inviting...

I've been considering many things today; life, the human mind, and other deep thoughts. The most pressing seems to be: How do I avoid getting called on in Math class?

I've begun to experiment, trying to discover the science that every Algebra student ranks up there with flying on a unicorn and climbing a cotton candy tree; highly desired, mythical, and lovely.

We've all been through the ordeal. I'm sitting in my stony chair, shifting for the umpteenth time. I glance at the clock. Again. It's 10:15. Again. The math teacher is erasing numbers and saying words like "polynomial" and "division" and "quadratic" with the look of a proud parent. Has it only been an hour since class started? It feels like eternity. As I listen to the teacher lovingly talks about formulas and try to make sense of the mass of jumbled numbers on the board. I glance to left. The student in the row behind me is asleep with his eyes open. 

"Does anyone know what x is?" Silence. I'm not sure, so I wait and hope someone else pipes up. So does the teacher. So do the rest of the students. So we all duck our heads and try to look studious and preoccupied with transcribing the problem into our notebooks. The teacher rests his chin on his fist, just staring at us. Waiting. Searcing. Choosing. He eyes rest on cow-eyes.

 "Tom."

The student jerks his head up like a sheep caught in the headlights. I would say deer, but it really looked more sheepish. 

"The Wright Brothers! I mean, er, what was the question?" You can see the sweat dripping off his brow.

We all toss the Chosen One a sympathetic glance as he struggles not look like an idiot and then smile to ourselves with that little hurrah! feeling you get when you think "Boy, am I glad i'm not that poor fool!"

So, my question is, how to avoid getting called on? I really like my Math teacher and truly want to learn, but if I'd still like to learn the ultimate Algebra Secret. I'd make millions. I might not be able to count them, but they'd be in my bank!

One last thing. I've been wanting to say this all day:

"She crushed his heart like a silverfish bug under by an ironic book." 

  There. All done. :D

Divine Foods,

-Hannah

My Favorite Thing of the Week

It's my favorite thing of the week. It's  colorful. It's foreign. It's unbearably cute. It makes me want to dance around the room and pretend I know the words.Did I mention the cuteness?!
My favorite thing of the week: KPop!

For you hard-core Americans, KPop is Korean Pop Music. Lots of techno and hip hop and DJ magic. It is mostly in Korean with an English word here and there. Some people wouldn't like it for that very reason because they couldn't understand the lyrics, but its one of the reasons I like it. Its like instrumental music with wonky words.Plus I can always look up the lyrics translated.

Big Bang, 2NE1, and G Dragon are my top KPop groups right now. Take a look:

Big Bang


and some G-Dragon:


And just a smidgen of 2NE1 (pronounced Twenty-One):


I enjoy lots of different music for different purposes. For example I listen to Classical music while doing Math,  Worship Music when i'm doing my bible time or worshiping, and the Japanese music when i'm working on Japanese homework. For KPop I listen to it when i'm really tired and need to wake up, exercise music, and its amazing for house cleaning.

Have a Musick-al Day!
-Hannah

Earthquake in Japan: Please Pray!

Friends,

As you may have heard an enormous earthquake hit Japan yesterday. Reports say that it it one of the largest since they began recording earthquakes. Hundreds of people are missing, in danger, and likely dead. My family and I have many friends in the main area where it hit and some of the places we visited on our trip last summer are now completely washed away. PLEASE PRAY for JAPAN!

http://www.mlive.com/news/us-world/index.ssf/2011/03/major_tsunami_damage_in_japan.html

God's Will Be Done,
-Hannah

THE EYEBROW

The days following a birthday, a person will usually tell you that they don't fell (older/matured/different/better/worse/etc.). In many ways i'd agree. In a few, i'd have to disagree.

Most noticeably is the sudden spike in male attention. (I see that look of skeptical amusement! Stop snickering, buster!) Not much, but more. I'm not kidding. I kinda wish I was. If you've heajoiaweiioopklds:K~KLmkm!!!!!!!!!JHUYI!

Whew. Deep breath. Sorry about that, I had the sudden realization that a nefarious ladybug (the horror novel with a polka-dotted cover) was taking the Hannah's Arm Highway inside my shirt. Right, back to the pheromones.

If you've heard my Creepy-Big-Lots-Guy Story you understand that I don't attract the finest examples of heroic manliness. Instead of shining knights, I tend to be winked at by the glutinous evil Baron who collects vices and owns the profitable business that builds towers to lock maidens into...only unshaven, undeniably creepsome, and with a thick accent. Every male that has shown interest in me up to my sixteenth was more attracted due to my accessories than my personality because i'm often carrying one or more small sisters who are mistaken for my children, making me appear to be a unmarried 20-something who seems like an easy target. 

Its not like I invite this attention. I dress modestly, I usually don't wear makeup, my hair is either pinned up with a sharpie or pulled back in a elastic, and I wear a sweatshirt just about all the time with enticing logos such as "Miami" or "Red Wings". What i'm saying is that i'm not the best dressed chick on the block. So why the sudden attention?

It actually started on my 16th. My mom and I were venturing out of our den of homework to pick up some dinner from PriceChopper, our local grocery and weird people observatory. We were talking as we drove into the parking lot when I noticed a derelict guy standing in the bed of a pick-up truck and waving around what looked like a screwdriver. (Beats me!) We drove past, he looked in the window, and dropped his arms. The pair watched like vultures while we circled the lot and parked. Trying to ignore them, I stepped out of the car, burying my hands into the kangaroo pouch of my over-sized red hoodie. The weirdo fist-pumped and high-fived his buddie, still watching as Mum and I snickered and went in the store. 

I figured they'd be long gone by the time we checked-out, but no. We stepped back out and the white-boy gangsta wannabes started back up the staring contest while trying (and failing) to subtly flex their muscles, their "Be grateful...i'm not dead." t-shirts waving in the breeze. Trying not to laugh, I got into the car and avoided eye contact. As we pulled out of the parking lot, steaming chicken in hand, I sneaked a look. The delinquents were leaning out of the back of the truck and waving their screwdriver in a last attempt. 

Yes, they were creepy. Yes, they were not people i'd like to likely meet. But, they were my age, which is new. And, despite their intense fail, they were still better than beardy Muslim dudes. Or the "winkers". Basically, i'm 70% revolted, 20% amused, and 5% flattered. I'm also 5% bad at Math. 

The another thing that stood out to me was the very friendly, very long-haired pony-tailed Greek guy that gave me the eyebrows during a nature walk today. Ya' know, those eyebrows. The same eyebrow twitch that you'd give while appraising an unexpected chocolate bar, a wordless "Hey, Babe." Like this:

Only...not as attractive. This eyebrow makes me want to rush out and bathe in expensive David Beckham cologne. The Greek guy's made me want to take scissors to his ponytail. 

SO, basically, long story short (though I technically just made a short story long), i'm a teensy bit satisfied that the recent attention I've gotten had nothing to do with appearing to have children and it came from people under 20. I also want to carry mace and hair-cutting implements. But hey, i'm an optimist. 

Now that I think about it, all of the guys who have expressed interest recently have used "The Eyebrow". Interesting...

Nighty-Night, don't let the creepers bite!

-Hannah

Photo Inspiration: Eyes

Another inspiration to me are eyes; I love eyes. They truly are the windows to the soul. They convey a array of emotions and come in a rainbow of colors. Whenever I'm doodling (usually in math class) I draw eyes everywherere. Big eyes, human eyes, anime eyes, etc. They are fascinating.

You know eyes have to be important because thats what people look at when they talk to each other instinctively. We don't stare at their ears, or hands, or hair; its always the eyes. Its always made me curious.

 

Anyway, here is my ode to eyes: 

• Of your entire body, the muscles that move your eyes are the strongest.

• The #1 cause for blindness in adults in the U.S. is diabetes.

 

• The older you are, the less tears you produce.

• Often in eye operations Sharks eyes are used because their corneas are very similar to that of the human eye. 

• All babies have blue eyes that will later change into their normal eye color

• Colored or patterned contacts are made and often used by actors and cosplayers. 

• When you are lying you often look to the left, however when recalling a memory you will look towards the right. 

• Sailors once thought that wearing a gold earring would improve their sight.

• Most people will blink 12 times per minute.

• Some Asian women have plastic surgery to give them wide, "European" eyes. 

• Your eyes are the same size throughout your life even though your nose and ears never stop growing. 

• When you see something you like, your pupils widen. In other words, there are a lot of wide pupil-ed girls watching Charlie McDonald. 

Photo Inspiration: Ballet

Sitting here at the wet windowpane and watching the rainy forest, I've been considering what inspires me. People, clouds, rain, eyes, art, light, etc. One thing that really inspires me, without fail, is dance. In particular, pointe ballet. I was in ballet for several years and while I was waiting to be picked up after class, I'd sit at the window of a classroom and watch the older students learn pointe. I admired the elegance, the beauty, the frustration of learning pointe; its an art that requires sacrifice to perfect. Personally, I think that pointe is a major art form right up their with oil painting, sculpture, and charcoals. This is one of my inspirations: 

"To dance is to be out of yourself. Larger, more beautiful, more powerful. This is power, it is glory on earth and it is yours for the taking." ~Agnes De Mille

"Dancers aren't made of their technique, but their passion."

"Dancers are the athletes of God." ~Albert Einstein

"Why do I dance?.....Why do I breathe?" ~anonymous

Dance is a little insanity that does us all a lot of good." -Edward Demby 

"We dance for laughter, we dance for tears, we dance for madness, we dance for fears, we dance for hopes, we dance for screams, we are the dancers, we create the dreams."

"Dance can give the inarticulate a voice."~Pamela Brown 

"Dance first. Think later. It's the natural order."~Samuel Beckett 

Classical ballet will never die.
Ninette de Valois

Dancing is a way of life.

Thousands of emotions well up inside me through out the day. They are released when I dance. *Abraham Lincoln* 

Dancers are the athletes of God." ~Albert Einstein