Sunday, August 28, 2011


Tonight, Jiminey Cricket dies.
Well, not the actual animated Disney character from Pinocchio (though he was mighty annoying as well). No. This time it's his all-to-real cousin, the cricket who lives in our basement. Specifically, in my bedroom.
It was about 11:20 and i'd just gotten home from a long run. Exhausted, short-changed on sleep, and with a lot to do the next day, i collapsed into bed. I was just drifting off to sleep when a cricket with a megaphone from somewhere in my room yelled, "Hey Baby! You looking fiiiiinnnnneeee tonight, yeah. I'm here, what are your other two wishes? I've never seen an angel without wings before. Yeah, you like that baby?"
(This gif hypnotizes me...)
Obviously the cricket wasn't actually talking to me, but I took the liberty of translating its booming, disruptive mating calls he sounded off. Every few minutes. ALL. NIGHT. LONG. Do you know how hard it is to sleep with someone yelling cheesy pick-up lines at you all night in cricket? Very. And thats why i'm training to become a ninja cricket assasin: bringing sleep to humans everywhere.

Tonight, when the sun goes down and the crickets come out, that crickets going down. I am going to pin-point his location, prepare myself with a hefty math book (Really, what else are they good for?) and assassinate that cheeky little monkey.MWAAHHAHAhhahaHHAHHAHAAA!
(...I wonder how biblical and morally upstanding it is to be planning murder on a Sunday morning before leaving for church? Oh, well. Maybe God will smite the cricket before I get home with a lightening bolt or an avenging angel and do the job for me.)
 Cricket Intent,
-Hannah Hoo
(p.s. sorry for the blue, slight glitch)

Friday, August 26, 2011

Mr.Rogers has a Gun OR Things That Keep Me Sane

I've had a most interesting morning, I must say. It's not everyday that you find out your neighbor is on Missouri's Top 10 Most Wanted List. I am being completely serious. "Mr.Rogers" carries a gun and isn't afraid to use it, even if the thing he is shooting at (and missing) is on the police force. I've suspected (and, ok, hoped) that one of my neighbors was more than they appeared to be and I finally got my wish. One neighbor is on the state's most wanted and two others are in cahoots making moonshine. Who knows what else the others are up to?!

I wonder if the government notifies the "Most Wanted" individual when they are, well, Most Wanted. Do they get a little certificate in the mail saying, "Congradulations! You Made the List!" or "Condolences on this sad occasion, You Gonna Get BUSTED!" etc.? I'd sure like someone to tell me if I made it on the list. It only seems right. That way I could put it on my criminal resume between "Eulogizer" and "Firearms Enthusiast". 

As I said recently, looking at my school schedule I can feel the will to live draining away, like decadent chocolate pudding down the sink. And then someone turns on the garbage disposal. Or, in other words, HOW AM I GOING TO SURVIVE TAKING 12 CLASSES? HOW? *sigh*. This is going to be a long, chewy year. Like ill-made taffy.

To keep my remaining wits about me, I've begun to compile this list (see below). Feel free to email back your list of what keeps you sane, i'd love to know. ^.^

Things That Keep Me Sane (Well, sane enough):
-Listening to my mp3 player after a long, long day and dancing like a fool eating frosted crazy flakes.
-My friends. I'd be mental without them.

-Watching my favorite youtube vloggers new videos (charlieissocoollike, Rhett and Link, etc.)

- Having a mug of sugary milk with a few spoons of tea (Only for very stressful days. Otherwise I reverse the ingredients.)

-Writing emails and blogging! It's like I take all the messed-up moments, emotional emulations, random ramblings, and whimsical whatnot are poured into my writing. Somehow, after i've mixed and added a pinch of this and a dash of that, there is a story or a blog post, waiting to be read. Its a mystery to me, but takes a load of stress off.
-Art. Sketching, painting, creating images or objects from my fingers. Also it is very de-stressing (I know thats not a word) to draw caricatures of frustrating people. 
-Laughing. It's free, relaxing, and enriching.Funny movies, funny people, funny moments. Sometimes I just have to laugh at myself, and somehow everything seems a little brighter. (Cautionary Note: There are times not to laugh. On trains, airplanes, in churches, at funerals, in the bathtub, and while sleeping are just a few of the times when NOT to burst out in raucious, hysterical laughter. Unless you like white coats and padded walls.)

-My bed. Curling up after a long, hard day in my nest and promptly falling into weird dreams? Perfectly sane.

Well, thats it for now. The list will only get longer as the school year goes on.

Won't You Be My Most Wanted Neighbor?

Sunday, August 14, 2011

There and Back Again: Hannah Goes to the Beach!

You know that you've hired the right house-sitter when you stumble through the door at 4 a.m. after driving 21 hours straight from Florida in a suburban with no A.C. and find it clean, whole, and a homemade gooey chocolate cake sitting on the counter, waiting for you. Not to mention hand written notes of hilarity and reassurance, a somewhat abstract picture of my family at the beach, and a sterile dog. (Long story).

  There is nothing quite like coming home after a long trip. After a week of being blown from here to there and ever rest-stop in between, I can just curl up in my own bed in my own room in my own basement. Even the smallest details are calming, like the scent of the hand soap or the sight of my dusty school books stuffed under large pieces of furniture or near the fireplace.
Oh, I should probably tell you about Florida, that flatland of seafood and palm trees where we took up hermitage in for the past several days. My most vivid thoughts on Florida:

-The condo was decorated by a man who is inspired by Pina Coladas and hawaiian shirts. 

-Sea water tastes like deluded blue pickle juice. Only with sea cucumbers, not pickles.

-Sand Dollars HURT when you step on them repeatedly. As do broken sea shells and mysterious wiggly things.

-Telenova is too entertaining for it's own good. I have no idea what they are saying, but I find myself riveted by the parade of toupees, soap opera cliches, and angry Hispanic people. Also the Spanish preachers.

-Being sick isn't usually fun. Being sick with the stomach flu is mild purgatory. Being sick with the stomach flu whilst driving down to Florida in the heat of summer and not being able to hold in anything denser than air? There are no words. 

-Relaxing in a tropical condo, spending the days jumping waves and digging for sea shells, and eating sea food so fresh it might be wriggling? There are no words.

-I don't care if you are gay or European or gay and European! There is no excuse for wearing a speedo, weirdo French men. Oh, the horror...

So, in short, it was the worst of times then the best of times. And now, it's nap time!

Boiled Peanuts and other Puzzling Things,


This post is devoted to the inspired girl extraordinaire, Mariah. My friend and fellow lover of Dr.Who, Chameleon Circuit and Co., England, and anything nerdelicious.
 Heres looking at you, kid. 

Here Comes my Baby,