Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Seals in my Math Class

Today was messed up.  When I first woke up this early morning (you can bet your muffin not be choice) it was pitch-black. Thats because I was so groggy I wandered around for the first few minutes after getting up with my eyes closed.  When I bumped into a table and did open them, it was still pitch-black. And covered in damp snow. It was a Spring Winter Wonderland. Thats ironic right there.
I've noticed that right after I wake up my thoughts are all floaty and nonsensical. For example i'll be brushing my teeth and my thoughts will go something like this:

My toothbrush is in my mouth.
I don't remember putting it there.
I don't remember walking up the stairs.
Oooo, bristly. Like Butter. I like my toothbrush. It's so nice.
My hair is messy. It looks like a pod of baby seals live in it.
Giggle, giggle.
Baby seals, ha. Thats ridiculous because only full-grown seals exist.
Silly me.
(BTW, google "baby seals" for cuteness overload)


Oh, I fell asleep.
Standing up.
In the bathroom.
Why am I in the bathroom?
My toothbrush is in my mouth. 
I don't remember brushing my teeth. All I remember is...seals.
Brush, brush, brush, merrily down the sink, merrily merrily merrily; life is but a snore!
Hee hee hee. 

Am I still brushing my teeth?
My toothbrush is in my mouth.
How does it keep sneaking in?

So....yeah. Thats what my brain sounds like in the a.m. Its a scary thing. I sound exactly the same when I've been drugged before a tonsil operation. 

Back to the bizarre day. Somehow my brain pulled itself together and we all piled into the car with most of our important papers and bags and children at a reasonable time. As we traveled into the dank city the snow began disappearing until we reached homelink and it disappeared completely, as if it had never been there.

When (after a exhaustive and hot day) we left too early too. Well, technically it was the "right" time but thanks to daylight savings it was still light out. I kept looking out my window on the drive home and thinking, "I have too go to Literature Class now! Oh, wait. we're going home."

I hate Daylight Savings time. It messes up my life and inner clock. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, TIME! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU? Well, besides wasting you occasionally. 

Some odd things I did today:
-Ate just the crust of a Chicken Pot Pie.
-Discussed whether or not fruit cups existed in the 19th century
-Ate an orphaned pop tart
-Discussed the pros and cons and gloriousness of a pool filled with Jello
-And a bananna canoe
-And whipped cream wars (yeah, we were hungry) 
-Received loads of candy, chocolate, and a Hello Kitty stuffed animal (Kawaii!) for White Day (Japanese Holiday). Did I mention I got CHOCOLATE?
-Admired my male classmate's pink painted toes. Seriously.
-Made Chicken-Noodle-Mountain-Dew-Soup
-Celebrated! It's Spring Break, baby!

I'm unbelievably tired. Like every Tuesday night. I'm like a starved person in the desert, only i'm sleep-deprived and my desired oasis is a bed. I've started hallucinating. During dinner tonight I'd almost convinced myself that my plate was a porcelain pillow and was this close to face-planting right then and there into my spaghetti and taking a little snooze. This keyboard is starting to look awfully inviting...

I've been considering many things today; life, the human mind, and other deep thoughts. The most pressing seems to be: How do I avoid getting called on in Math class?

I've begun to experiment, trying to discover the science that every Algebra student ranks up there with flying on a unicorn and climbing a cotton candy tree; highly desired, mythical, and lovely.

We've all been through the ordeal. I'm sitting in my stony chair, shifting for the umpteenth time. I glance at the clock. Again. It's 10:15. Again. The math teacher is erasing numbers and saying words like "polynomial" and "division" and "quadratic" with the look of a proud parent. Has it only been an hour since class started? It feels like eternity. As I listen to the teacher lovingly talks about formulas and try to make sense of the mass of jumbled numbers on the board. I glance to left. The student in the row behind me is asleep with his eyes open. 

"Does anyone know what x is?" Silence. I'm not sure, so I wait and hope someone else pipes up. So does the teacher. So do the rest of the students. So we all duck our heads and try to look studious and preoccupied with transcribing the problem into our notebooks. The teacher rests his chin on his fist, just staring at us. Waiting. Searcing. Choosing. He eyes rest on cow-eyes.


The student jerks his head up like a sheep caught in the headlights. I would say deer, but it really looked more sheepish. 

"The Wright Brothers! I mean, er, what was the question?" You can see the sweat dripping off his brow.
We all toss the Chosen One a sympathetic glance as he struggles not look like an idiot and then smile to ourselves with that little hurrah! feeling you get when you think "Boy, am I glad i'm not that poor fool!"

So, my question is, how to avoid getting called on? I really like my Math teacher and truly want to learn, but if I'd still like to learn the ultimate Algebra Secret. I'd make millions. I might not be able to count them, but they'd be in my bank!

One last thing. I've been wanting to say this all day:

"She crushed his heart like a silverfish bug under by an ironic book." 

  There. All done. :D

Divine Foods,


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