Thursday, March 24, 2011

How to Sleep on a Plane

Sleeping on a plane comes more naturally to some than others. Theres the kind of people who fall asleep on the ride to the airport in anticipation of sleeping on the plane (Mrs.Steen!), then theres the people who are shivering at every hint of turbulence that they can't blink for fear it will somehow disturb the cabin pressure and send the whole aircraft into a crash-landing. Then you have my kind of person. 
I've always, will always, and am a person who hates missing out on anything. That one person who will hold it throughout the entire movie after drinking one too many jumbo Coka-Cola's because I might miss an important plot twist while i'm gone. Despite my long history of sleeping in weird places at weird times in weird ways, how can you expect me to not stay up the entire flight watching movies on that little personal t.v./computer entertainment console thing?! It's torture, truly. 

So, coming from the girl who has slept comfortably on a mound of hangers, on a blanket of textbooks, and in the splits, I present my list of my top 10 ways to fall asleep on a plane:

1) Buy 2-4 seats all next to each other and make a bed with the tissue packet pillows, suitcases, and blankets stolen from other sleeping passengers. If you're broke, make a bed in the aisle. You will probably be stepped on and scolded by the attendants and/or stick to the ground. 

2) Spend a load a dough on noise-cancelling headphones, fall asleep in a pretzel shape, and wake up alone in an airplane hanger at midnight. You might be 5 time zones away from your destination because you didn't hear the announcements over the speakers, but at least you got that shut-eye!

3) Ask the kind passenger to hit you, quite hard, in the head with their concrete airplane dinner roll.

4) If the dinner roll only induced a headache, not unconsciousness, then curl into the fetal position and use the stranger's lap as your pillow. Note: Try to avoid this measure unless you are very good friends with and or related too the passenger.Also, the plumper the passenger, the more comfortable. 

5) Scare yourself to sleep. Be as paranoid as possible. Think about being a kite in the wind, millions of miles above the jagged earth's crust. Imagine what would happen if someone opened a door, or if that man across the aisle isn't a mascara salesman as he appears to be but is actually a terrorist! Soon you should faint from the terror of it all and safely sleep until a gentle landing. 

6) Warm is the key. wear your ridiculous Caterpillar fluff socks, wear your worn-in clothes, and don't be fancy with your hair. It's going to be screaming for a brush at the end of the flight anyway. Bring a coat that can double as a blanket and possibly invest in one of those little foamy neck brace/pillow things. If the air conditioning is really cranked up ask for a cup of hot coco and make a small fire on your pull-out tray with the empty sugar packets and complimentary peanuts. 

7) The lunch tray is your best friend when trying to sleep on a plane. I've found that the most comfortable way to sleep is to put my pillow on the tray, put my head on the pillow, and then cover myself entirely with a blanket (if I have one). Seriously, try it. 

8) If you are of age or can pull it off, ask for champagne. I've heard it works quite well for getting drowsy. Unfortunately, it also works quite well for getting drunk. Either way you'll get sleep, whether you fall asleep naturally or have to be tasered by a flight attendant. Not that I would know a thing about that. Of course. 0.0 Not a thing. Nope. Totally innocent. Uh-huh. Really.

Moving on...

9) If you are desperate, flexible, and conspicuous enough the suitcase storage container above your seat could be the bed for you. Plus you could snoop with a flashlight into your fellow passenger's suitcases. 

10) When all else fails, pack your math book into your carry-on. Recline your seat all the way (1/4 inch), contort for several minutes until you find the most comfortable position, kick off your shoes, and proceed to read the math book. I can guarantee that you will be asleep in no time. Seriously, who can stay awake when reading about how the mean of an polynomial is directly equivalent to the negative quadratic when raised to the second power and multiplied  

Disco Sheep,


  1. You are HILLARIOUS girl!!! Too funny!!!

    1. #10 works, but who wants to haul a useless Math book around Rome or Istanbul? Have you tried a sachet filled with fresh lavender? Keep it near your face. It may be just a psychosomatic placebo, but who cares if it works? You may need it if you are on a long overseas flight and your large, hairy neighbor is smelling a bit...funky.
      ---from Mrs. Steen (yawn)

    2. Mrs.Steen, you speak words of wisdom as always. Do they make sachets that smell like chocolate? 'Cause I want one of those. :)