The Inn of Tulips and Truckers

I'll give you a few hints to guess where I was this weeked: Wooden tulips, fabric tulips, painted tulips, lighthouses, and freezing drizzle.No, not on a poorly decorated igloo. Or a roofless craft store in bad weather. Honestly, how ridiculous.

I'm in.....HOLLAND!

...Michigan.

It must be both wonderful and horrible to live in Holland, MI because you live in a gorgeous place but have to go through telling people you live in "Holland- no, not the real Holland, the one in Michigan." all the time. You see, Holland, MI is not quite the land of wooden clogs and windmills but the transplanted version that somehow has made its home in the flat planes of the American midwest. From what I observed this means that they have a traditional, quaint tourist town but throw tulips and windmills everywhere. Literally, everywhere. At the hotel we were staying at their were vases of fake tulips hidden on top of the vending machines. Why? Ancient Dutch tradition? Lazy housemaids? We can only wonder in awe of the Dutch's mysterious ways.

If I could describe our hotel (booked last minute over the internet) it would be Yellow. Or Fishy, either way not adjectives one desires their place of rest to be associated with. The walls were a hazy pastel mirage of lemon and pale green, the "beach-inspired" artwork looked less like a weedy sand dunes and more like a fat man's thinly stubbled chin spotted with seagulls. To further evoke the sandy atmosphere we're pretty sure the hotel staff hid some cod in the hotel room. There is no other way to explain the distinctly fishy aroma that pervaded the inn. But after driving for hours upon hours with only sketchy billboards such as the dentist advertisement with the slogan "DON'T DIE WITH YOUR TEETH IN A GLASS!" for entertainment? The bed could have been full of fish and I wouldn't have cared less.

Our equally disturbing door plaques. "Oh, clogs! Where to bury the body?"

The yellow theme continued the next morning when we checked out the most important part of the hotel: the breakfast spread. I kid you not, every food was yellow excluding the apples and 70% of the fruit loops. Bananas, waffles, butter, mysterious spongy ufos that I think might have once been eggs, biscuits, lemon danish, orange juice, honey; the breakfast buffet's redeeming virtue was that they played nature documentaries about baby seals throughout the morning. Baby seals can make any situation better, though they made me think twice about eating the sausage.

Our purpose of visiting the charming lake-side town of Holland was to visit Hope College and was a thoroughly enjoyable experience. Everyone was friendly, the professors were welcoming, and the cafeteria was the stuff of dreams. However, the tuition price was also the stuff of dreams, but thats another blog altogether.

After a long day of making collegiate small talk and collecting souvenir pens my mom and I decided to explore Holland's hidden gems. We went hipster-watching in downtown Holland, visited the campus library, and, of course, went to the beach. I got sand in my shoes, the freezing gale-force wind attacked my hair, I got sprayed by a breaking wave, and it was still completely worth going to see. Standing on the breakers that stretched as a bridge between the shore and the lighthouse, I felt like a more sane, post-anger management Captain Ahab on the deck of his ship in the roiling sea, watching for white whales on the vast horizon. Except I didn't see any sea creatures, just utterly insane windsurfers in wet suits being tossed by the waves and waddling around in the permanent wedgie only a wetsuit can give.

Moi marvelous Mum

Moi and a marvelous lighthouse

After exploring the beach, climbing the dune mountain overlooking the lake, getting lost, finding a restaurant, and eating the best gluten-free burger to ever grace the Earth, we gladly crawled back into our fishy box. Speaking of which, it it well past time for me to burrow into my very warm, cozy, and not fishy or yellow in the least bed. I cannot extol the joys of travelling and last minute road trips enough but there is nothing, NOTHING, like arriving home and belly-flopping into your own bed. Now if I only had a maid that would make my bed every day and leave those mini hotel shampoos and soap bars lying around....

Windmills and Whirlygigs,

-Hannah 

Learn From My Mistakes

In the past 18 years...I've made some really stupid mistakes. Mistakes like accidentally pulling fire alarms (yes, plural), and pushing my older brother down a flight of stairs (less accidental), and being overly-honest and telling a woman at the supermarket she looked like a fat pumpkin (let me clarify that all the above example happened in my childhood. mostly.). I think about situations and conversations and I sometimes wonder, was I just a wee bit insane? The answer is yes, but so is everyone else.

As I move on to write the next chapter of my life, here is some advice from the footnotes of my own experiences that will make life a little less crazy for you.  In other words, learn from mistakes. 

•           Don’t be afraid to hold the unpopular opinion.
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•           Having fun isn't hard…when you’ve got a library card.
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•          If you want an interesting or unique signature, figure out what you want it to look like before you turn 18.
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•           Never take candy from strangers. Unless it is a Reese's peanut butter cup.
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•         Normal isn't an attainable or definable goal.
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•           Do things that scare you. Not things like getting a full-back tattoo of a dolphin or watching “The Exorcist”, but even scarier things, like introducing yourself to a stranger or standing up for prayer.
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•           If you’re in a relationship where you think the other person would die without you: get out. Unless they are hanging off a cliff, in that case they really might die.
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•           If you have a question about God, or the Bible, etc. ASK. Humbly seek truth and wisdom. It’s not a sign of unbelief, it’s a sign of spiritual growth. God will prove true every time.
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•           Bowties are cool.
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•           Try every new experience at least twice. This does not apply to murder and wearing uggs.
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•           If someone calls you weird, a nerd, or a homeschooler, try to be humble as you thank them for their compliment.
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•           It can be hard to remember sometimes when we’re teaching them to use electronics, but our parents aren't stupid, they aren't your enemies. The family you are placed in is not a mistake. Always remember that your parents want the best for you and, believe it or not, can be some of your best friends.
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•           Life is too short to wear pants around the house.
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•           Always check for loose change under vending machines, in couches, and in the pockets of your winter coats. If you really want to find some dough look in your wealthier friend’s couch and coat.
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•           Your shirt should be tight enough to show you are a woman and loose enough to show you are a lady.
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•          Everyone is just a little insane.
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•           Find out what you want and become the kind of person you’d want to meet.
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•           You can’t change people, especially not through marriage. God is the only one who can truly mold a heart.
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•           Never lower your standards, except when you’re looking for a snack and haven’t gone grocery shopping in awhile.
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•     When someone angrily asks you, "Do you think you could do this better?!" don't say yes. 
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•           You are going to make mistakes. Small potatoes like failing a test and big mistakes like failing a friend.
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•           Learn to laugh at yourself.
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•           Always bring an emergency snack.
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•          Never miss the opportunity to compliment someone.
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•          Good friends validate you, great friends vindicate you.
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•           If you’re unhappy and single, you won’t be any happier being in a relationship.
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•           If you can’t touch your toes while wearing it, you probably shouldn't wear it. If you just can’t touch your toes, that’s really sad and you should stretch more.
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•           Never trust a person who wears turtlenecks. Or, when given the choice between vanilla and chocolate, chooses vanilla.
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•           You will never regret spending a little time with God and in His word. You will regret two straight hours of Angry Birds.
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•          Fall in Love, not in Lust.
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•           If you’re having fun but really have to pee, go pee. The party will still be there when you get back.
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•           No one is perfect. Seriously. Not even Orlando Bloom. Maybe.
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•           These are not the best years of your life.
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•           When in doubt of what to say, shut up. Then you’ll at least appear to be wise.
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•     If you like it... you should put a ring on it.
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•           Have a list of adults who you can go to for advice, guidance, and prayer. No matter how wonderful your friends are, they’re in the same mess.
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•           Never send exiled Arab princes money after they sends you a pleading email. And, I’m sorry to say, you are never the 100^th site visitor who won a free ipad.
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•           Read ravenously. Biographies, science fiction, mystery, Do-It-Yourself, the back of cereal boxes; it doesn't matter. Just find what interests you and pursue it.
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•           Just because you disagree doesn't mean you can’t be friends.
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•           Always buy the cheaper, offbrand version. This does not apply to Rolexes, parachutes, or meat.
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•           Wikipedia is not God.
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•           When cheating on a test don’t write, “Answers May Vary”. Scratch that, just don’t cheat. It always come back to bite you.
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•           Tea can solve more problems than you’d think.
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•           If you deliberately hurt  yourself, or wonder if death is an escape route, or cry yourself to sleep every night; get help. You’re not ok, but you’re not alone, either.
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•           Ignore every magazine advice column you've read on what guys do or do not like and how to act accordingly. If this is the man who is going to eventually witness your snoring,  your bizarre eating habits, and plunge your toilet he’d better love you for exactly who you are, cause that’s what he is getting.
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•           When trying to make a choice, ask yourself, “Will this decision matter to me in 5 years?”
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•           Don’t advertise what isn't for sale.
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•           Never try to cut your own hair, no matter how easy the youtube tutorial looks.
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•           Anyone can tell you you’re beautiful. Look for the guy who compliments you for non-physical reasons.
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•          Save your word documents every 15 minutes.
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•           Learn how to bake. It is an essential tool to succeeding at life.You think i'm joking but i'm not. 
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•           Don’t eat your feelings.
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•      Don't Google your medical symptoms. (Bruised shin? Bloody nose? Eye twitch? Surprise!You're dying.)
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•           Travel. Anywhere, everywhere. And don’t fall asleep on strangers while taking public transport.
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•           Don’t create an email address that contains the words princess, pink, die, bubbles, fluffy, sparkle, gurl spelled with a u, or really anything else you’d be ashamed to tell a future employer.
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•          And finally, give up trying to be who other people think you should be and meeting their expectations. God is the only person you should strive to please.

- Dance it out,

     Hannah 

How to Tell If You've Grown Up

You might be a 'grown up' if...

1. Have more than 3 keys on your keychain. Scratch that: Need a keychain.

2. Gone to medical appointments alone.

3. Gone grocery shopping and payed.

4. Know how to cook more than ramen and pbandj.

5.Appreciate naps.

6. Babies become cute, not drooling dumpling people. 

7. Have multiple plastic cards in your wallet.

8.Understand and fiercely grammer-nazi the difference between "you're" and "your"

9. Know when to say "Whom" but choose to say "Who" anyway because "Whom" sounds like Shakespeare making owl sounds.

10. Now take interest in "old people" hobbies like gardening and documentaries.

11. Cleaning, and not because someone told you to.

12. Holding intellectual discussions about politics, regardless of whether you understand what you're saying or not.

13. Go to bed before 10 o'clock.

14. You shower daily. Shower at all, really.

15. Being able to tell if an article of clothing is wrinkled or not.

16. Having the impulse to buy candles by the dozens and lighting them for ambiance when people visit.

17. Getting a cold doesn't mean you get to stay at home and watch "Blue's Clues" and drink sprite all day.

18. Thanksgiving in no longer about eating as much food as possible but about not overdoing it.

19. Christmas isn't the season where you get loads of presents but when you go bankrupt buying loads of presents.

20. Understand the historical significance of the 4th of July.

21. Can buy your own pop rocks and superglue.

22. Choose to watch kid's movies not because you're a kid but because you know they're better.

23. "What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up" becomes "Where Do You Want To Retire Some Day?"

24. When your realize 40 isn't ancient.

25. You call grown-ups by their first names.

26. Learning is a desire, not a duty.

27. You exercise.

28. Fast Food begins to taste less and less appetizing.

29. Have a viable love life. And your love interests aren't fictional characters. 

30. Eat whats good for you, not what you want. And think about calories. 

31. Thought about wrinkles and how to avoid them.

32. Appreciate classical music.

33. Have bills.

34. Have multiple important documents that aren't playing cards of any kind. 

35. Own more than 1 pair of sensible shoes.

36. You have "real clothes" and "comfortable clothes".

37. You've mourned a loved one, and i'm not talking about a dropped ice cream cone. 

38. You stop being a part of your parent's religion and begin experiencing God one-on-one. 

39. You've bought appliances. 

40. Knowing you'll never fully, truly, grow up.

 Peter Pan Syndrome,
-Hannah Hoo