Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Lipstick, High Heels, and Bullets

Tis' the season to dance and freak out about finding a dress. Yes, Fall Formal is coming. Your friends are going and it sounds like fun so, sure, why not? You sign up. A few weeks later it pops up, surprise!, like an unexpected guest at your door. You realize all of those "Oh, i'm sure something will work out"s...yeah, they aren't working out. Whats a girl to do?

The reason i'm bringing this up is 
1) I'm going to a dance tomorrow night
2) Its kind of planking on my mind right now and pushing out all other reasonable thought
3) This is so UNFAIR!

Why, you ask, is this at all unfair? Maybe this comparison of what a normal guy does and a normal girl does getting ready for a dance will help:
Girl: Sign up, pay, arrange rides.
Guy: Sign up, pay, arrange rides.

(So far so fair- but wait)

Girl: Spend weeks searching for a dress, shoes, and purse that match and are just the right level of formal for the event. Thrift, borrow moolah from parents, occasionally have dressing room breakdowns. (C'mon girls, everyones had one.)
Guy: Look under the bed for their nice pants. Take out the dress-shirt they stuffed inside their drum. Retrieve leathery shoes from their pet's cage. Wash all of the above if the more industrious gentleman.

Girl: Begin preparing for the dance hours before they leave. Shower, blow-dry, curl or straighten hair, shave legs (unless its No-Shave November), defy gravity and natural science with hair-spray and bobby pins to keep their hair's intricate updo in place. Apply foundation, toner, blush, bronzer, cover-up, primer, eyeliner (wet, gel, and stick), a few hundred coats of mascara, lipstick, maybe even false eyelashes.

Guy:Comb hair. Shave.Maybe shower.

Girl: Wear a dress, 3 inch heels, and hold a clutch that all match and that you can dance in. The whole ensemble must be sexy yet modest, glamour yet not over-the-top, sparkly yet not glaring, and posh yet not overly formal. 

Guy: "Mom, can you help me with this tie?"

Do you see what I mean now? Sure, guys might have to drive or buy a corsage now and then, but girls feel a social pressure to look like super models. Not to say dressing up for a night on the town isn't fun, it is, its just uncalled for when men complain about how long it takes the women in their life to get ready for events. Give us a break, guys. You've never walked a mile in 4 inch stilletos, now have you? 

So to all those guys: Tell your girlfriend she is gorgeous. Hold her bag while she gets punch. Dance with her even if you feel like a fool and would rather eat broken glass and milk for breakfast. Appreciate her. And, above all, don't infuriate her. You would be surprised how many beauty products can be used as weapons or how sparkly rhinestone clutches are just the right size for a taser...

Just Dance,


  1. LOL - Hope you had fun...would LOVE to see pictures...I bet you looked BEAUTIFUL!!!

  2. this was awesome and so true! I'm in love with the way you write....c'mon men, give us a break!

  3. Was all the prep. worth the hassle?