Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Sheep Story 2: "It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's a...Unicorn Pegasus? "

Now Continued...

  Hungry homeschoolers are a dangerous things. When the decadent smells of porridge, tea, and toast began to filter upstairs the slumbering students woke with hungry groans and sleepy eyes. As they trampled down to the breakfast room in various states of dress, the Sheep Impostors slipped into the group as well. You would think that the humans would notice that their two male comrades had been replaced with sheep and were eating the flowers at the place settings instead of the toast, but not this early in the morning. Plus, considering that the sheep's eating habits didn't strike the group as odd just goes to show you how starved teenagers eat in the morning. 

Away across the English countryside, the real Joel and David were curled into the fetal position and snoring away on a moving puddle of sheep. Terrance the Sheep (again, related distantly to Terrance the Pig) was atop a stone tower on a high hill watching the sheep through a telescope and lying in wait for the humans. It was almost time to begin revenge on the humans...

Completely unawares, the humans were singing Phantom of the Opera at the top of their lungs as the minibus rumbled down, up, and over the hilly country, annoying the marmite out of the driver. Joel and Dave sheep pretended to sleep to make up for their lack of humanistic singing qualities. 

Terrance saw the approaching bus from the distance and smiled sheepishly. (It's really the only way they can smile, if you think about it.) Using his handy-dandy walkie-talkie from Tescos, he gave the command. It was time to call in a favour with his old friend and relative, Terrance the Pig.

Terrance the Pig owed Terrance the Sheep a favour or two. It's a long story for another time involving the FBI, sunglasses, and a whole lot of sausages. But that's not important. The important thing is, Terrance owed Terrance and Terrence wanted Terrance to sabotage the bus for Terrance. So, Terrange the pig rolled out of Brianna's pocket, down the bus aisle, and beneath the driver's seat. Casually, the little pink pig rolled onto the brake, breaking the minibus to a complete halt. Sneakily, Terrance rolled back up the aisle and into Bri's pocket. Mission Accomplished.

Part 2 of the mission began. On Terrance the Sheep's command (and a bribe involving Airplane Banana Loaf), a herd of horses descended from the sky and assembled around the group of confused homeschool tourists pacing outside the bus. No, not horses. Horses with unicorn horns and majestic white wings and sparkly hooves. They were UNICORN PEGASAI! OR PEGASAI UNICORN (if you're dyslexic)!

The humans ---, well, it's obvious right? What would you do if you were approached by a pegasai unicorn? Besides the one student who fainted of shock and sparkle overload, the humans ran to the animals and hugged them until they couldn't feel anything in their arms. They then climbed on the Unicorn Pegasai's backs and flew away where they frolicked around Britain all day and ate ice cream on Big Ben. Oh, and stopped in to have tea wit Nessie.

Joel and David the Humans, were finally woken. maybe it was the sunlight, maybe it was the sheep chewing on their Toms. All they knew is they heard an awful lot of squeeeeeing in the distance and the flapping of wings. Terrance the Sheep had been strangely silent for several hours now and the sheep had started to forget their purpose. And Terrance the Sheep. And that they were supposed to be exacting revenge on the Humans they carried. No, they were too dazzled by the outstanding tibias of the tall human, David, and the wild curly hair of the other human, Joel. So, with nothing else to do, David was appointed King of the Tibias and Joel was honored to become the Sheep Witch-Doctor. 

For several hours King Tibs and the Wise Witch-Doctor were having a great time. Joel was giving the sheep wool therapy and giving magical hoove massages with the mystical stuff called "Hand Sanitizer". King Tibs was holding a tibia zumba class for the sheep on a grassy hillock next to the river. Everything was peachy until Joel started getting hungry. Sheep Witch-Doctors do not live on thistle alone and he couldn't help but salivate as he watched muttons frolicking to music in the fields. He held himself back until he couldn't stand the hunger a second longer. Tonight, he'd dine on MUTTON TIKA MASALA! With a roar, he ran forward and tackled a shimmying sheep.

Joel and the Sheep plunged over the hill and landed in the icy lake. The sheep squealed wildly as Joel lifted it and prepared to take a bite out of his sheep steak. The other sheep gathered on the hill and began to advance, Bhaaaaaaaaing loudly. King Tibs led the way, leading the herd. 

Meanwhile, the humans were getting quite hungry as well. It had been a long day and the Pegasai Unicorn promised to take the students to a pub, their treat. The pub was a Pegasai Unicorn pub and the humans sat down at their table to wait for their food, admiring the waiter who had a striking resemblance to Zach Efron and giggling. After awhile, they noticed that it had gotten very quiet in the pub. All the unicorn pegasai had begun to gather around the human's table, their sparkly hoove's clopping eerily on the floorboards. The students smiled nervously and asked the Unicorn Pegasai if the food was on it's way. 

The food? Why, it's already arrived!" The Unicorn Pegasis licked his ink lips. Was that...blood on his muzzle next to the Polly Pocket tattoo? The humans shook as they realized... They were the food.

So what will happen next? Will Joel get his dinner? Will the carnivorous Unicorn Pegasai get there's? Will the writer get her's? Tune in next time for a salivating-good story!

To Be Continued...

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