Marmite Will Destroy the World...and has nothing to do with this post

So...I haven't written for awhile. Partially because my shoulder has been recovering from a separation a few weeks ago (my arm bone and clavical decided they needed some time apart) and partially because I've lacked inspiration. Scratch that, I've had inspiration. I was just being lazy. And recently got a facebook, a bitter-sweet black hole of time.

 

          Summer is oozing along like greased lightening. Only a few weeks of frantic activities and the school year that I left to die will come back to haunt me like a back-to-school poltergeist. The one bright cupcake in all of this is Florida. Sunny, wet, vacation destination Florida.

           

          For a week before school starts my family and I are going to take a watery vacation to Florida. The place we are staying at is known  

for being a hot-spot for lovebirds and senior citizens. I don't care if it's a breeding ground for elves, it's close to the beach! Plus, the other option was staying at the Rainbow Hotel and Inn where the queer couples of Florida go to enjoy a day in the sun. Somehow explaining what dentures are seems easier than explaining why those men are holding hands.

          My siblings and I have never been to a beach before. We've dived into pools, lakes, even unusually large puddles but never a real, honest-to-goodness ocean. The kind with white (or yellow, i'm not picky) sands, frothy aquamarine water as far as the eye can see, and pastel sea shells scattered through the sand. My longing to go to a real ocean probably has a lot to do with my childhood obsession with mermaids, Atlantis, and other underwater fairy tales. 

            Until about the age of 8 I was absolutely certain what I wanted to be when i grew up. Not a normal occupation like fireman, nurse, or eulogizer; no. I wanted to be a mermaid. I didn't worry about the details such as, oh, I don't know, somehow having a scaly tail attached to my midsection and gills installed in my neck. I just knew, one way or another, that when I was older I'd be a mermaid. 

 

            While I doubt that i'm going to have a magical transformation into a sea creature of yore (though you would be the first to know), I am looking forward to spending some quality time swimming with the fishes. And the jellyfish, sharks, squid, and other poisonous yet beautiful animals.

            Wow, I was a dense kid.

            Peanut Butter and Jellyfish,

-Hannah

          
and a wee bit of evil Marmite:

 from media.abovetopsecret.com by bad bertha

Grand Theft Ice Cream

image by xZorex on DeviantArt I did something bad today. For the greater cause, like an avenging Robin Hood of frozen dairy treats, but still. It all starts with an elderly sample woman... My family and I were roaming the mega-sized, dangerous concrete isles of Costco on the search for some elusive ball park wieners when we came to a sample stand. Sample stands are set up all over the super-store with various goodies and are all manned by what seems like every Grandmother in the local tri-state area. Most are named something like "Marge" or "Doris" or "Gertrude" and have poofy perms and drawn-on eyebrows. Despite one's particular affinity for Joker-esqe makeup, they are some of the sweetest ladies on the face of the earth. Never has been receiving a tasty treat been so nice. So, when my mom passed the little white cups of chocolate ice cream bar chunks out to the little girls, Jonmark, and I and realized that there was none left for her, she just shrugged and moved on. Feeling suddenly guilty that I had taken the last sample, I noticed that there were three more cups waiting on the rack on the back of the stand.  I waited until the lovely sample lady was chatting sweet potatoes with another customer and, under the guise of waving Jonmark to come over to our aisle, went to the back of the stand and grabbed an extra cup.  To my knowledge the lady never noticed, though I think one of the other shoppers might have given me the "Oh, no you DIDN'T!" eyebrows about breaking the sacred rule of taking only one sample per person. It was no Grand Theft Auto, but likely the most interesting crime I've committed today. In conclusion, I'm left with this thought: That was really good ice cream.  Like Stealing Ice Cream from a Sample Lady, -Hannah

It's A Right-Handed Man's World

My Beautiful Friends,

As you may have noticed, my blog has been a bit slow lately. However! I have good excuse. No, really. I'm currently typing everything with my left hand because my right arm is in a sling due to torn AC tendons in my right shoulder. While that is healing my blog posts will be slowing way down. Just think of all the things I want to write about to you that will come pouring out then, like an explosive sneeze when you have the flu.

Oh, and I fell off my bike and landed on concrete.

Love, Naps, and Other Perfectly-Imperfect Things,
Your Invalid Hannah Hoo