My Last Milkshake and Testament

The gleaming steel of the firing squad's rifles glowed dusty pink in the sunset that was dramatically dying behind me. It lingered, as if it knew it was the last sunset i'd see before- well, that part will come soon enough. Every man in the firing squad had chill, unflinching eyes. They had trained all summer were prepared to finish me with the precision of a practiced killer, their eyes even looked eager under the brims of their flamboyant sombreros. Their cracked lips twitched under dark, dense mustaches. Not charming ones, like Rhett Butler, but like the the Caterpillary clumps of hair that you find clogging your bathtub drain. Not exactly the last thing you want to see.

See this face? This is my "You-wish-your-mustache-was-as-suave-as-mine" face. I use it alot.

The sergeant's crackly leather boots hit the thirsty ground, stirring orange dust in the still summer air. 

"Are you ready to pass on, Miss Hannah Musick?" he chuckled like a amused swine. "Any last requests?"

I lifted my chin. "Yes. I'd like a Reese's Peanut Butter Milkshake. That is my final request.Oh, and tell my family I love them."

The sergeant gestured with his hand and a small boy ran forward with a milkshake. I sipped the creamy delicious through the straw as loudly as possible. After a moment, the sergeant lost his patience.

"Enough! Men, fire!"

Before I could even react, the rifles were cocked and triggers pulled. As they fired and smoke burst from the air, I involuntarily fell to my knees. As consciousness fled and the edges on my vision faded to black, I saw a flag had burst from each rifle barrel. As I slumped to the ground, summer dying within me, one sentence surfaced in my mind: 

"BACK TO SCHOOL!"

So yes. That was my unnecessary and overly dramatic description through symbolism that today is the last day of summer. I could have just said "Today is the last day of summer", but then wheres the fun in that? 

There was so real firing squad today (mom would never let me get out of school that easily) but I did go out for Reese's peanut butter shakes with a friend, our last salute toward summer. There are worst things in the world than a very heavy school year (Ke$ha, Chinease Water Torture, and...well, thats it) but it would be a shame to waste the opportunity to exploit it. 

If there is one thing to demonstrate that movies aren't real, it's the workload of high school students. Alien cowboys and kung fu pandas I can believe, but the lifestyle of High School Musical students? Forget it. Like anyone has time to fall in love, conduct a musical, learn how to sing and dance, and look camera-ready while passing chemistry? Now THAT is fiction.

Enough drowning in the puddles of self-pity, i've got to go get ready for tomorrow. You know, the usual back-to-school hum drum: packing my bags, looking through preliminary lessons, ironing my prison uniform and sprinkling it with rosewater. The usual. 

I WILL SURVIVE!

-Hannah

YOU GOIN' DOWN, JIMINEY!

Tonight, Jiminey Cricket dies.

Well, not the actual animated Disney character from Pinocchio (though he was mighty annoying as well). No. This time it's his all-to-real cousin, the cricket who lives in our basement. Specifically, in my bedroom.

It was about 11:20 and i'd just gotten home from a long run. Exhausted, short-changed on sleep, and with a lot to do the next day, i collapsed into bed. I was just drifting off to sleep when a cricket with a megaphone from somewhere in my room yelled, "Hey Baby! You looking fiiiiinnnnneeee tonight, yeah. I'm here, what are your other two wishes? I've never seen an angel without wings before. Yeah, you like that baby?"

(This gif hypnotizes me...)

Obviously the cricket wasn't actually talking to me, but I took the liberty of translating its booming, disruptive mating calls he sounded off. Every few minutes. ALL. NIGHT. LONG. Do you know how hard it is to sleep with someone yelling cheesy pick-up lines at you all night in cricket? Very. And thats why i'm training to become a ninja cricket assasin: bringing sleep to humans everywhere.

Tonight, when the sun goes down and the crickets come out, that crickets going down. I am going to pin-point his location, prepare myself with a hefty math book (Really, what else are they good for?) and assassinate that cheeky little monkey.MWAAHHAHAhhahaHHAHHAHAAA!

(...I wonder how biblical and morally upstanding it is to be planning murder on a Sunday morning before leaving for church? Oh, well. Maybe God will smite the cricket before I get home with a lightening bolt or an avenging angel and do the job for me.)

 Cricket Intent,
-Hannah Hoo
(p.s. sorry for the blue, slight glitch)

Mr.Rogers has a Gun OR Things That Keep Me Sane

I've had a most interesting morning, I must say. It's not everyday that you find out your neighbor is on Missouri's Top 10 Most Wanted List. I am being completely serious. "Mr.Rogers" carries a gun and isn't afraid to use it, even if the thing he is shooting at (and missing) is on the police force. I've suspected (and, ok, hoped) that one of my neighbors was more than they appeared to be and I finally got my wish. One neighbor is on the state's most wanted and two others are in cahoots making moonshine. Who knows what else the others are up to?!

I wonder if the government notifies the "Most Wanted" individual when they are, well, Most Wanted. Do they get a little certificate in the mail saying, "Congradulations! You Made the List!" or "Condolences on this sad occasion, You Gonna Get BUSTED!" etc.? I'd sure like someone to tell me if I made it on the list. It only seems right. That way I could put it on my criminal resume between "Eulogizer" and "Firearms Enthusiast". 

As I said recently, looking at my school schedule I can feel the will to live draining away, like decadent chocolate pudding down the sink. And then someone turns on the garbage disposal. Or, in other words, HOW AM I GOING TO SURVIVE TAKING 12 CLASSES? HOW? *sigh*. This is going to be a long, chewy year. Like ill-made taffy.

To keep my remaining wits about me, I've begun to compile this list (see below). Feel free to email back your list of what keeps you sane, i'd love to know. ^.^

Things That Keep Me Sane (Well, sane enough):

-Listening to my mp3 player after a long, long day and dancing like a fool eating frosted crazy flakes.

-My friends. I'd be mental without them.

-Watching my favorite youtube vloggers new videos (charlieissocoollike, Rhett and Link, etc.)

- Having a mug of sugary milk with a few spoons of tea (Only for very stressful days. Otherwise I reverse the ingredients.)

-Writing emails and blogging! It's like I take all the messed-up moments, emotional emulations, random ramblings, and whimsical whatnot are poured into my writing. Somehow, after i've mixed and added a pinch of this and a dash of that, there is a story or a blog post, waiting to be read. Its a mystery to me, but takes a load of stress off.

-Art. Sketching, painting, creating images or objects from my fingers. Also it is very de-stressing (I know thats not a word) to draw caricatures of frustrating people. 

-Laughing. It's free, relaxing, and enriching.Funny movies, funny people, funny moments. Sometimes I just have to laugh at myself, and somehow everything seems a little brighter. (Cautionary Note: There are times not to laugh. On trains, airplanes, in churches, at funerals, in the bathtub, and while sleeping are just a few of the times when NOT to burst out in raucious, hysterical laughter. Unless you like white coats and padded walls.)

-My bed. Curling up after a long, hard day in my nest and promptly falling into weird dreams? Perfectly sane.

Well, thats it for now. The list will only get longer as the school year goes on.

Won't You Be My Most Wanted Neighbor?

-Hannah