Friday, March 30, 2012

Werewolves and Wardrobes

Its amazing the excuses I will come up with when going through my closet to get rid of unwanted stuff, it truly is.

"Obviously I will need this vest which looks like a enormous zippered wolf pelt sometime in the future."

"This skirt with the gut-ruffles that looks like someone vomited paisley and floral onto it might be cute if I cut it in half and tailored the edges. I'll keep it to work on later!"

"Ooooh, I just know I will need a zebra-print muu-muu someday!"

"Thick brown corduroy trousers that look like the bottom half of a bear costume? Oh, yes."

"I'm really not sure if this is a shirt, skirt, or Russian Circus Tent but I'll totally wear it someday."

Honestly, I had to just stop and listen to my excuses and realize how ridiculous I was being. But I am ashamed to admit I kept the wolf pelt vest.You never know! In fact, to justify my wolf vest, I have compiled a list of possible situations in which I would need it. Ahem.

1) Your pet can also enjoy this wardrobe gem! Hairless Cat too ashamed to prowl with it's furry feline friends? Zip it up into a wolf vest! Wiener dog feels intimidated by the larger dogs in the area? Nothing more impressive than a wolf pelt!

Something so wrong with this picture...

2) Everyone has seen the expensive, bear-skin throw rugs in mansions, right? The redneck version would be to simply unzipper the vest and, as the name suggests, throw it on the living room floor. Guests will ooh and aaah at our wolf-skin rug. Or sloth skin, it really could go as either.

3) Here's a sweet one. See the afore-mentioned bear corduroy pants? A perfect costume for next Halloween would to go as a wolf-bear hybrid. If thats not scary enough a little ketchup and poorly-applied green makeup could add that desirable zombie element. I dare anyone to tell me that a Wolf-Bear Hybrid Corduroy Zombie isn't scary.

4) Twilight Themed Party, anyone? I could use it as part of a inexpensive werewolf costume. All I would need to do is wear shorty jean shorts and a tank top. Then, at the party, I could transform into a werewolf by donning my vest. After the other partygoers re-gathered from the realistic transformation, I could shock them yet again by taking off the vest (aka transforming into my human form again). Voila! The only flaws to my Jacob costume would be my ability to keep my shirt on and to speak in full sentences.

As you've probably guessed, I cleaned out my closet today. And since I live in an unfinished basement and have no real closet, that means I cleaned out the swampy bottomless pit where clothes go to die in the corner of my room. For months, years, I have been fighting a losing battle against this corner. It has been sucking stray clothes, shoes, and my soul into its depths for to long and today I vanquished it forever. Or until I get a bunch of new clothes and the layers begin to build.

Well, I must dash. I see a poncho slowly inching its way to the corner in vain hope of beginning a new black hole of clothes. NOT TODAY, PONCHO!

Mischievous MuuMuus,


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