Becoming Darcy
By Hannah Musick
“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single girl in possession of her right mind must be in want of Mr. Darcy.” ~Sarah Arthur.
Fitzwilliam Darcy, a fictional character in Jane Austen’s masterpiece Pride and Prejudice, is every woman’s dream guy. Sweet, gorgeous, a perfect gentleman with 10,000 a year and deluxe regency era mansion; the list goes on and on. However, as much as Mr. Darcy is unanimously adored by women, it leaves men wondering how a woman could love a man with a first name like Fitzwilliam. And have you seen his pants?
If you are one of those guys, this message is for you. I’m going to help you unlock some of the reasons why women are so in love with Mr. Darcy, and use this knowledge to make them fall in love with you.
Finding Your Elizabeth
“Mr. Darcy had at first scarcely allowed her (Elizabeth) to be pretty; he had looked at her without admiration at the ball; and when they next met, he looked at her only to criticize. But no sooner had he made it clear to himself and his friends that she hardly had a good feature in her face, than he began to find it was rendered uncommonly intelligent by the beautiful expression of her dark eyes. To this discovery succeeded some others equally mortifying. Though he had detected with a critical eye more than one failure of perfect symmetry in her form, he was forced to acknowledge her figure to be light and pleasing; and in spite of his asserting that her manners were not those of the fashionable world, he was caught by their easy playfulness. Of this she was perfectly unaware; to her he was only the man who made himself agreeable nowhere, and who had not thought her handsome enough to dance with.” ~Pride and Prejudice
Your “Lizzie” could be anyone, from the girl you’ve had a crush since Kindergarten to the shy girl that sits next to you on the bus. It could even be someone you fight with all the time. Darcy never expected that he would fall in love with his Lizzie, so keep your eyes open for the unexpected. Love is surprising.
How do you meet girls? In Mr. Darcy’s century, balls and dinner parties were the best way to meet pretty women. Dances, parties, and school are a few options for the modern day man. Don’t be shy; ask someone to dance or have your friends introduce you. Remember that one of the best ways to make an impression on someone, in any time period, is to dance with them.
Becoming Mr. Darcy
Don’t worry, donning a tight regency era suit, sideburns, and codpiece are not necessary for becoming Mr. Darcy. Becoming Mr. Darcy doesn’t mean losing you; it is uncovering hidden potential. Wearing clean, flattering clothes is a definite yes, however. Work a little on your personal hygiene: brush your teeth, cut your hair, use your deodorant, and whatever you do, don’t try to grow facial hair in high school. Just don’t. It isn’t mature, it isn’t attractive, and it isn’t pleasant.
How do you treat girls? I don’t mean that cute, flirtatious blond in Chemistry either, I mean all women, including your mom. Are you a gentleman? Do you open doors, pull out chairs, show kindness towards, and honor all the girls you know? More than good looks, chivalry is appealing to women. We want to be treated with the same courtesy Mr. Darcy treated Elizabeth Bennett:
“Elizabeth honored him for such feelings, and thought him handsomer than ever before…”
Don’t Be a Wickham
“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony, in a moment.”~Mr. Darcy
Being the “bad guy” isn’t an easy definition to pin down. Even if you have the best intentions, you can still go too far in flirtation. Illustrated in the quote above, it is easy to raise a woman’s expectations and disappoint her with what you consider meaningless flirtation. Don’t say something you don’t mean.
“My good opinion once lost, is lost forever.” ~Mr. Darcy
Uh-oh, you messed up. Maybe it was an accident; you didn’t mean it; you want to say sorry. Regardless, your Lizzie has lost her good opinion of you.
Don’t give up hope just yet. Darcy said the above quote about his true love, Lizzie Bennett, after they first met. If Darcy could correct Lizzie’s prejudice, you can do the same. Some chocolate wouldn’t hurt, either.
Communication!
“It is your turn to say something now, Mr. Darcy. I talked about the dance, and you ought to make some kind of remark on the size of the room, or the number of couples.” ~Lizzie
I cannot stress the need for communication enough. One of the root problems in relationships is communication. Girls and Guys are built differently, we want different things. You may comment on your bad day at work. Your girlfriend/fiancée/wife will want to know why you had a bad day, what happened, and how you feel. Girls are big on talking about their feelings and emotions. Talking about your emotions may seem silly and unnecessary, but the communication will strengthen and deepen your relationship.
Love the Girl, Love the Family
“Such squeamish youths as cannot bear to be connected with a little absurdity are not worth a regret.”~Mr. Bennett, Lizzie’s Father
When entering any relationship, her family is going to have a huge impact. If you don’t appear to be the gentleman anyone would want for their daughter or sister, then you will have some huge roadblocks ahead on the road of love; possibly some nail strips and false bridges depending on the nature of the family as well.
Additionally, if you skipped the section above (“Finding Your Elizabeth”, then the way to know your love interest on a deeper level is to meet her family. Keep in mind that these are the people who have trained her since infancy, and how she treats her father will reflect on how she treats her husband.
Sweet Nothings
The rule for sweet nothings: No sweet nothings. Cliché pick-up lines, disposable promises, and pretty lies aren’t what girls want to hear. Don’t preplan compliments; let them be spontaneous and sincere:
“Unfortunately an only son (for many years an only child), I was spoilt by my parents, who, though good themselves (my father, particularly, all that was benevolent and amiable), allowed, encouraged, almost taught me to be selfish and overbearing; to care for none beyond my own family circle; to think meanly of all the rest of the world; to wish at least to think meanly of their sense and worth compared with my own. Such I was, from eight to eight and twenty; and such I might still have been but for you, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth! What do I not owe you! You taught me a lesson, hard indeed at first, but most advantageous. By you, I was properly humbled. I came to you without a doubt of my reception. You showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased. “ ~Mr. Darcy to Elizabeth
If you really want to impress your girl, try going for a toned down version of this:
“In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how much I ardently admire and love you.” ~ Mr. Darcy
Cussing is the blatant opposite of a sweet nothing. Just say no. It doesn’t matter if your language is in fun or anger, cussing is a taboo. It isn’t attractive and it isn’t manly, and you never hear Mr. Darcy yelling expletives at Wickham. Sure, Darcy may use some long words no one understands from time to time but they sure aren’t cuss words.
If You Like It, Why Don’t You Put A Ring On It?
“…expressing his hope that it would now be rewarded by her acceptance of his hand (in marriage).” ~Pride and Prejudice
Congratulations! You have learned the skills necessary to woo and keep your girl in truest Darcy fashion. The next and imperative step: Marry her!
“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony, in a moment.”~Mr.Darcy
While the causal dating of the 21st Century may seem light hearted and safe, we can all learn a lesson from the 18th Century as well: Don’t enter a relationship without one day intending to marry. Whether dating or courting, toying with a girl’s heart is never acceptable.
“The power of doing anything with quickness is always prized much by the possessor, and often without any attention to the imperfection of the performance.” ~Pride and Prejudice
The above quote is as true when applied to love as any other worthwhile pursuit. Chastity until marriage is a practice that has sadly lost value since the times of Pride and Prejudice and should be revived again. Choosing to “wait” until you are married is just another way to show how much you love and honor your Lizzie.
“With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility.”
Now that you have the secrets of Mr. Darcy under your belt, you have the potential to wield great power. The knowledge you have received is not to be used lightly, it is to be used in serious romantic matters. Still unsure of when to and when not to use Darcy’s relationship rules? Try consulting either Pride and Prejudice or the ultimate relationship manual: the Bible.
1 Corinthians 13:1-8a and 13
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
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