Pages

Showing posts with label School. Show all posts
Showing posts with label School. Show all posts

Friday, January 20, 2012

Love Letters and Judgmental Senior Citizens


Growing up can be scary. Yes, its "turning a page in your life story" or "finding a deeper meaning or purpose with your destiny" but when you are fidgeting in the unforgiving wooden desk and preparing to take a test that could alter your future...its just scary. Like many other scary things though (mystery meat stew, the near-death experience between turning off the light and landing in bed, deleting important files accidentally) there is a bright side.



College, for example. Now thats a whole can of worms I'm not going to try and pry open in this blog post (perhaps in the future) but it is rather like training to be a ninja. Only a lot less awesome. From birth you are trained in by special teachers to know everything you must know to be a competent human being and student. You read, study, test, and then cram constantly in preparation for (DUH_DUH-DUUUUHHHH): The Test. Whether you call it the SAT, the ACT, or MY WORST NIGHTMARE, every teenager comes to it. Its time to put all of your experience to the test and you are suddenly wishing you hadn't spark noted that one lengthy tome in Lit. Class. (Not that I would do that. *cough,cough* >->). The sad part of my ninja analogy is that instead of gaining the honor of the silver dragon warrior (or whatever it is ninjas get), I get a piece of paper with my name in curly writing. And it doesn't even get you free food. But oh well.


So now that I've completed that ordeal, I was expecting rejection galore from colleges. For some reason when I think of a college board I imagine a scrubbed oaken chamber with two rows of grim old men who smell faintly of talcum powder. I see them sneering my grades, my essays, even that kindergarten drawing of a mentally unstable cat. I feel enraged just thinking about that imaginary room. HOW DARE THEY JUDGE ME!?!


But I was pleseantly surprised. Universities of this and that have been sending me emails constantly with titles such as "We Want You To Attend Our College, Hannah!" and "So Glad I Discovered You!" and "Very Impressed With You, Hannah!" and "Hannah, You're Extraordinary." I'm not even kidding, those last three are actual emails from universities. As flattered as I am, I must pull my self from this lovesick daze of flattery and be reminded that they only want to take all my money. (Hahaha...only I have no money...). Plus most of them are Catholic schools in the middle of the desert. Why?


So this is a message to all you young things out there who are similarly scared of the future and rooms of judgmental old men: One day you too will take a big test and receive loads of flattering fan mail from universities. Just wait.

Laughing Hedgehog,

-Hannah

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Signs the World is in the Handbasket


Humanity, I am disappointed in you. The constant stream of news about wars, violence, hunger, desperation, and death was bad enough. The day that I realized just how creepy the telletubies were (despite their awesome toaster), it was sad. But has the process of the degradation of the world finally reached the point where I'm on my running route passing a string of middle school buses, smile, and get multiple birds and other obscene hand gestures from the kids? Two days in a row? SERIOUSLY? The thought that comforts me is that I ever pass a school bus of 9th graders again I'm going to beam, point at me, make a Justin Beiber heart with my hands, then point at them and wink. Try and dodge them flying cooties, buster. Thats right, you can't run away because you are wearing your jeans at your knees with the boxers hanging out. HAHA!



Really though, i'm pretty sad with humanity. For example, the other day at Zumba. Me lovely friend M'-Jimmer and I had just suited up and were stretching to get ready for some salsa when one of the younger girls in our class turned to her friend, sighed, and said, "Gosh, I HATE my legs. They are SO fat. I wish I had yours." From a 90 something pound girl who is maybe even under the suggested weight. Of course this one comment sparked several rounds of the "Fat Game". It has to be played with 2+ people and the person who wins is the person who gets the most attention for complaining about how she is a size 2. What is wrong with you, people? Go eat some fries!



Another small but still irritating thing is the Unspoken Teenage Girl Dress Code. Did I miss a universal memo? Was I absent that day in Do Or Die Class? Am I the only one who sees this? I'm starting to think that i'm in some weird, alternate universe where they clone all the teenage girls after one person with not that great of a style sense. I'm the last person to be lecturing on what to or not to wear (hello, pink zebra print rain boots and floral skirt in Winter), but it is sad to see a group of 16 girls walking down the street and every last one is wearing the exact same thing: Uggs, leggings and shorty shorts or sweatpants, a sweatshirt from their high school, hair pulled up in a pony tail and a neon headband. Everywhere. Is there no originality anymore?

Of course there are some huge, world effecting concerns. Things like the fact that every day 115, 000 unborn babies are being murdered daily worldwide or that there are children starving in Africa. Small indicators too, though. Like the fact that Jersey Shore exists.


But there is a bright side to every handbasket. Especially if there is a tropical fruit assortment or perhaps some ugly cupcakes (muffins). Like that every day more and more people are exposed to Kpop, new Doctor Who episodes are being released, and more devices to kill lady bugs invented. (I really hate those things). And no matter how bad things get, I'll always have God, my family, and my friends. And chocolate. Especially chocolate.

Pineapple,

-Hannah


Sunday, October 16, 2011

I Went to Public School and Survived: An Anthropological Anomaly


The building was like a blank ice box prison, much like a gigantic igloo. Wary and prepared, Hannah the Anthropologist stepped into the holding and training facility. The walls had been pasted with motivational posters and other cheerful propaganda that was put in place for a positive impact on the species.Oh, the humanoids were everywhere! Hannah found it fascinating to observe these sub-species of the homo sapiens, other wise known as "public schoolers". They gathered like clots in the main throughfare: the hallway. Moving and socializing, performing everything on the range of social relations: Communication, sharing media such as art (comic books) and music (earbuds), several of the humans seemed to be openly engaged in the mating ritual of kissing. Or perhaps they were simply exchanging saliva samples in an act of sharing? It was hard to tell.One thing was clear to Hannah, however: A sub-species whose females wore sparkly booty shorts in 60 degree weather would be fascinating to observe...

Yeah...pretty much looked like that.
So i'm not actually a student of anthropology, but that doesn't mean I didn't feel like an alien in a foreign land when my friend Steph and I went to a local high school to take the PSAT. As a life-long homeschooler, I've never actually been enrolled in public school/spent more than 3 hours in one on a school day. So for me and my friend, it was slightly like being in a foreign country. A very small, strange, diverse, and narcotic country which we only spent about 4 hours in before high-tailing it out of there. 

Let me begin by saying that walking around the school trying to find someone, ANYONE, who knew where the PSAT was being held was like was worse than riding a London subway during the evening commute. Worse than an awkward elevator ride with 30 strangers in Tokyo. Unimaginable as it may be, the hallways of a public high school were more turbulent and discombobulating than any form of commute I've ever been on. (Well, almost. There was the train ride with The "It". But thats another story...) Its like trying to fight your way up a down escalator crammed with surly, loud, and hormonal teenagers who haven't been fed yet.

Ok, ok. Maybe Japan was worse. But still, the hallway was pretty bad.
Really, it was like Homelink (the "homeschool high-school"/Co-op we attend) except multiplied and sleep deprived. How the various clicks and social circles were treated and accepted was obvious to see, though. For Example:

Geeks/Nerds:
-At Homelink: Fun, if slightly bizarre, people who often come to class in cosplay or wearing t-shirts from their favorite TV shows/Anime. Usually pretty intelligent and are the kind of people who fully embrace their nerdom and aren't afraid if its cool or not to wear a fez to school. (Because everyone knows you can't go wrong with a fez. Duh.)

-At Public School: Sad little people with capes and action figures stuffed in their pockets. They hug the lockers and avoid people as they walk down the halls. Messy, unkempt hair and black layer upon black layer of clothing. They travel under the radar one by one and meet to play D 'n' D near the water fountain between classes.



Quick question. How is it possible to be high before breakfast? I mean really, some of the people we met must have been eating some pretty potent poppy-seed muffins on the way to school.


Can I get a witness?
The test itself went fine. We sat in silence, the sound of scribbling filling the chilly lunch room. The lunch ladies were cooking dehydrated food on the far side of the caff. and teachers paced about and looked over our shoulders, like silent sharks with monotonous blonde hilights and comfortable shoes. Whenever they walked by me I felt like i'd been caught with my hand in the cookie jar. This was ridiculous because I don't know how in the world someone could cheat on a standardized test. Where was I going to hide my answers, anyway? The soggy tissue in my pocket from catching a cold?



To sum up the experience, i'd like to share this little blurb:
(After test)
Girl next to me: "So, um, my friend wants to know if you're home-schooled?" (All the homeschoolers had a Hall Pass)
Me: "Yeah, my friend and I are just here for the test."
Girl: "Right. So, after the test, do you like go home or stay here for lunch?"
Me: "...go home. I'm not enrolled here."
Girl: "Ohhhh, ok."


Sigh. I know several public schoolers and most of them are nice, funny, and intelligent. I guess they were all home sick that day. If you are a public schooler, a home schooler, or any other type of schooler I may not know about, please don't be offended. I'm writing commentary on the not-too-fabulous side of public school that I experienced, but its not like I attend or can say I know everything. Plus, its the person that comes out and not the place they come from that counts. I love you all. Except you, the one with "I Heart Math" t-shirt. You need help.

Bottom line, you aren't missing out on anything by not going to public school and it isn't the hellish place that some people make it out to be. Light purgatory, maybe. But they do give you your own cubby-hole.

Go Lions,
~Hannah


Sunday, October 9, 2011

Things I Don't Know About (aka Sports)

Google Images. Like Every other picture unless I specify.
I looked over my blog this week and realized that I write about a lot of the same stuff over and over. I write a lot about food (its just that good), dancing, math, trips I promise to write about eventually (but never do because I'd never stop), sleep (or lack there-of), and everything is splattered in lolcatz and gifs. I think I might have a slight fascination...


Anyway, things are gonna change around here. Today i'm going to write only about things I don't know about, breaking one of the time-tested rules of literature. Well, literary rules can go hide under the sofa and read Wooster and Jeeves until i'm done.

So...things I don't know about. This could take awhile.

-Football
Albert Pujols plays football, right? Or-wait. Nevermind.
Football is one of the more interesting sports. People being tackled, dog piled, and occasionally breaking a femur. What I want to know is who's idea it was to dress the players in skin-tight spandex and padded shirts? They have one a sadistic stylist.
See http://hannah-hoo.blogspot.com/2011/02/wheres-etrade-baby.html


-Baseball
I do have experience with baseball! Well, if dancing on the field during Global Day of Prayer counts. Baseball has got to be the slowest game known to man besides snail racing and competitive paint drying. However, the last baseball game I went to was not a complete bust. I got ice-cold coke, a hot dog, and finishe Fantastic Spiderman, Volume 1. Besides that I vaguely remember that the cardinals were playing a blue team. You can guess who won. (Sorry, Matt and all people who love that all-american past time. Go here for a buddy:http://hometowndiscount.blogspot.com/)

-Golf
WHY? What makes people want to watch as people hit a little white ball with a little silver stick into a little green hole. Golf does, however, make excellent TV to watch when you need a good nap.
Honestly, the only reason i'd watch golf is this guy.



-Tennis
David Tate is the only person who has ever made tennis sound interesting, I have to say. So that elevates it to being more interesting than baseball, less interesting than football. At least people occasionally get pelted with a furry green ball. Now that's entertaining.

(Ok, lets just assume for the moment i'm virtually clueless about everything sports-related. But I do like soccer.)



-Being enrolled in real, honest-to-badness public school. Sure, i've seen the movies and read the books about the pop facade of High School, but i've never actually experienced it for myself. The few times I have stepped into a public school (for testing, contests, etc.) everyone seems to be sleepwalking.And texting.


-Having Short Hair
Correction, I did have short hair when I was about 6. Then I watched the Disney princess movies and had the idea that princesses have long hair firmly stuck into my little cranium. Now its waist-length and I don't know if I could ever just snip-snap  it all off. Plus it really would come in handy as a scarf, an aid for tower-climbing princes, and for strangling attackers. Or anyone who tries to cut it.






-Being in a romantic relationship
The closest thing i've had to a boyfriend is Peter Pan when I was 10. Like every relationship, we had our problems. Him being fictional was the tie-breaker. Honestly, i'd like to wait for romance until college. I don't want to give away little pieces of my heart to short-term boyfriends to only meet my future husband and bestow him with swiss-cheese affection. Not to say that dating in high school isn't right for everyone, its just what I choose. I know i'm not ready, at least at this moment in time, to deal with someone else's emotions as well as my own. Someday, some lucky guy.




-The Simpsons
Yup, i'm in that 10% minority that hasn't seen an episode of the Simpsons. Just a clip or commercial here or there.



-Twilight (Books and Movies)
...and i'm also the minority that hasn't seen/read Twilight. Unattractive, undead, pale, sparkly vampire dudes just aren't my cup of tea. Nor guys who can't keep their shirt on and have excessive hair issues, though shapeshifters are much more pulchy than bloodsuckers. Probably the real reason I haven't read/watched the series is i'm too easily hooked on "doomed romance" cliff-hanger series.

(I'm really in a lot of minorities, huh? But, still human. Probably. ;)

-Politics
This is like the floor of a movie theater: a sticky subject and something I don't usually stay on for too long if I can help it. I know the basics: Total government control: bad.This guy is the good guy, you want him to win the election. This guy is the bad guy, you don't want him to win. They will challenge each other to a traditional duel with swords to become president of the united states. See? I know everything I need to about our government.

-Being an only child
Oh, that fabled childhood of the chosen few. Still, I wouldn't trade my siblings for the world (unless it comes with chocolate rivers and cotton candy clouds). My years of being a older sister/default mother have trained me well. I can change a diaper in my sleep, repair stuffed animals with super glue and paper clips, and carry multiple children at once. Being a mister (fake mother/sister) has given me a love of children, the skills to care for my own children in the future, and the resolve to put off having said children for a long time. Oh, the day when I can open a pack of gum- no, anything, and a chorus of voices don't call out: "CAN I HAVE ONE, TOOOOOO?"

Those are just a few of the things I don't know about. Looking back at the list, I sound far too stereo-typical homeschooler. If I had a nobel prize and constantly wore floor-length jean skirts it would complete the picture. Honestly, people, i'm not that strange! Now, where did I put my new gene-splicing make-your-own clone kit?

Jellyfish is the new black,
-Hannah

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Is This A Banana I See Before Me?




Things are simpler when you are exhausted from a day of school and haven't eaten anything but inhaled chalk dust all day. If there is a banana laying on the table, you eat it. That's just the way it is. Even though you don't know where it came from or why it was on that table. Or where that table came from. After so many classes i'm lucky enough to remember what a banana is. 

My day was quite eventful. I adopted an felted owl-penguin crossbreed, was taught by my circus friends how to juggle (we're working on sword-swallowing next week, i'm sure), and...and...ok, so a busy day with a few interesting highlights. The only other unusual thing I can think of is observing my friend Laurel (um...I mean, Laura) eat a can of asparagus. Swallowed whole. Without chewing. And drink the juice afterwards. Come to think of it that isn't too unusual for Laurel...



This happens every time I don't blog for a few days. One minute i'm prolifically inspired by milkshakes and crickets, the next i'm resorting to telling you in detail about eating a banana. If I keep waiting too long in between writing you might just get post entitled things like "101 Ways to Painlessly Remove Nose Hair", "An Essay on the Difference Between the Phthagoream Theorem with Negative Integers", and "I Can Believe It's Not Butter: How Fake Dairy Saved My Life."


If you've ever read the classic-worth-reading "The Little Princess" where the servant girl awakens every morning to find her dingy attic filled with lovely things and an almost magically appearing meal, you have a somewhat-similar example of what has been happening since school started up and Dad has promised to make dinner every Tuesday Night. We come home, dragging ourselves through the door like tube socks that have been through the wash (and the little ones are just as teary) and there, unexpected before us, was a feast of Little Princess proportions! Only Dad wasn't wearing a bedraggled gown and holding a porcelain doll.(Thank goodness. I'd be mighty suspicious of the chicken if he was.)

Sure, the chicken was a rotisserie chicken from Sams. And yes, the creamy potato salad had been poured from a plastic tub into the porcelain serving dish. And Dad didn't bake that crispy French bread, just had it sliced and arranged. But when all you've had to eat all day was a mysterious banana and you expected to be dining on cereal and past-date milk? It was heavenly. The herb butter sauces (yes, he DID make that) and frosted donuts didn't hurt, either. Watching all that Food Network on vacation has finally payed off.

I'm sure i'll be struck with new literary inspiration to write on something very soon, like staplers. Or pineapples. Until then you'll just have to live a while longer in the depressing, hopeless state that is without-Hannah's-Emails. Keep calm and carry on, mate! As for me, i'm going to go fold myself into the my warm, fluffy bed and sleep like a very happy rock. Well, until my mom turns on the lights and we stumble outside to go running at 6 a.m. I'd rather not think about that right now.

Custard-Filled Clouds,

-Hannah

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

My Last Milkshake and Testament


The gleaming steel of the firing squad's rifles glowed dusty pink in the sunset that was dramatically dying behind me. It lingered, as if it knew it was the last sunset i'd see before- well, that part will come soon enough. Every man in the firing squad had chill, unflinching eyes. They had trained all summer were prepared to finish me with the precision of a practiced killer, their eyes even looked eager under the brims of their flamboyant sombreros. Their cracked lips twitched under dark, dense mustaches. Not charming ones, like Rhett Butler, but like the the Caterpillary clumps of hair that you find clogging your bathtub drain. Not exactly the last thing you want to see.
See this face? This is my "You-wish-your-mustache-was-as-suave-as-mine" face. I use it alot.
The sergeant's crackly leather boots hit the thirsty ground, stirring orange dust in the still summer air. 
"Are you ready to pass on, Miss Hannah Musick?" he chuckled like a amused swine. "Any last requests?"

I lifted my chin. "Yes. I'd like a Reese's Peanut Butter Milkshake. That is my final request.Oh, and tell my family I love them."

The sergeant gestured with his hand and a small boy ran forward with a milkshake. I sipped the creamy delicious through the straw as loudly as possible. After a moment, the sergeant lost his patience.

"Enough! Men, fire!"
Before I could even react, the rifles were cocked and triggers pulled. As they fired and smoke burst from the air, I involuntarily fell to my knees. As consciousness fled and the edges on my vision faded to black, I saw a flag had burst from each rifle barrel. As I slumped to the ground, summer dying within me, one sentence surfaced in my mind: 

"BACK TO SCHOOL!"



So yes. That was my unnecessary and overly dramatic description through symbolism that today is the last day of summer. I could have just said "Today is the last day of summer", but then wheres the fun in that? 
There was so real firing squad today (mom would never let me get out of school that easily) but I did go out for Reese's peanut butter shakes with a friend, our last salute toward summer. There are worst things in the world than a very heavy school year (Ke$ha, Chinease Water Torture, and...well, thats it) but it would be a shame to waste the opportunity to exploit it. 

If there is one thing to demonstrate that movies aren't real, it's the workload of high school students. Alien cowboys and kung fu pandas I can believe, but the lifestyle of High School Musical students? Forget it. Like anyone has time to fall in love, conduct a musical, learn how to sing and dance, and look camera-ready while passing chemistry? Now THAT is fiction.
Enough drowning in the puddles of self-pity, i've got to go get ready for tomorrow. You know, the usual back-to-school hum drum: packing my bags, looking through preliminary lessons, ironing my prison uniform and sprinkling it with rosewater. The usual. 

I WILL SURVIVE!
-Hannah

Monday, May 16, 2011

Pride and Parody

Earlier this school year my friend and Bestie Steph approached me about writing a screenplay for a short film. The idea was to fulfill the 50 extra credit hours we each needed and have fun with the whole experience. At first I tried tossing around some different short ideas: A Love Story about Condiments, King Henry and his Wives, etc. In the end I wrote a whopping screenplay called "Pride and Parody" (a parody of Pride and Prejudice). With Steph's dad (a pro in the cinema world) we filmed, acted, decorated, and planned our student film. On absolutely no budget and at the mercy of blackmail and volunteers we have filmed enough to make a trailer. The rest of the movie will be hopefully filmed and ready to sell at the end of this summer. Oh, and the trailer was put together primarily by my friend Kevin. So, without further ado, the trailer:


G'Night,
-Hannah

Mystery Amidst the Clover

Friends,

Since I am leaving for England tomorrow night I thought i'd better elave you with a nice long bit of reading material blogging-lovliness. Below is a mysterious mystery story that I wrote for my British Lit Class. Enjoy! 

Shots in the Dark,
Hannah Hoo



Mystery Amidst The Clover


By Hannah Musick

           
            “How do I look, George? Sufficiently grand?” Snidelock wiped a circle mist from the carriage window with his ruby sleeve and twisted the twirly ends of his polished mustache in the reflection, “I expect that after this case I’ll be promoted to Head Detective.”
            “Yessir, Detective.” If you were in a theatre performance, thought George. The entire force back at Scotland Yard found Snidelock a novelty, which was perhaps the desired effect. He always wore flamboyant suits in dark emerald, indigo, and amethyst. Silk ascots, feathered hats, and his elaborate mustache gave an eccentric entertainer’s flair to the Detective. George personally wouldn’t be caught dead in such getup, but the apparel only succeeded in adding a mysterious air to Snidelock. George would have much rather been paired with one of the more professional detectives on the force, but as he was just 17 and as an assistant he had no choice in the matter.
            “Well than, lets get on with it! We have a mystery to solve, my boy.” Detective Snidelock pounded the head of his cane, a bronze peacock with glinting gemstone eyes and a curved beak, against the roof of the carriage to signal the driver that we had arrived. The carriage slowed and then squelched to a halt on the muddy country road. Snidelock flung open the carriage door and leapt out onto the ground, his already muddy snakeskin boots becoming even muddier. George tucked his notebook into his coat and stepped down carefully. With instructions to return in an hour, George and Snidelock turned to their destination, the Clover Estate.
            Despite being only a carriage ride away from London, George felt as if the thick mist had followed them to the countryside. It was thick enough to slice with a butter knife and serve on toast with tea. Soon the carriage had disappeared and Snidelock plowed forward into the unknown. George quickly followed, not wanting to be lost in the middle of the chill forest.
            The Estate appeared in stages; first a coal wrought iron gate, then scarlet set of doors and the pale walls until George and Snidelock stood before a massive mansion with many curtained windows. There seemed not to be another living soul about so Snidelock stepped forward and, after adjusting his hat, knocked loudly on the door. The thumps echoed softer and softer until the door creaked open. A dusty butler peered around the door with a suspicious glint to his eye.
            “Aye, then? What is your business here?”
            “I am Detective Snidelock Tombs here to investigate a murder. This letter was delivered early this morning to Scotland Yard.” Snidelock snapped his fingers and George scrambled to pull out the letter and handed it to the Butler, who read It aloud:
Scotland Yard  - May 7th
          Please send help to The Clover Estate in Bath as soon as humanly possible. We may still be in grave danger. A tragic accident has occurred.
_Baroness Clover
            The butler grunted. “Delivered it myself.” He nodded towards George. “What about ‘im?”
            “I’m George sir. I’m Tomb’s assistant.”
            After a brief moment of hesitation, we were allowed entry. The inside of the manor was fine and furnished with expensive materials befitting such an old family as the Clovers. Smoky glass wall lanterns lit the adjoining corridors, crackling every once in awhile from impurities in the oil. The butler mutely led us up a carpeted staircase and through a maze of rooms. He paused, tapping lightly on an oaken door, and then swung it open to reveal a dark room.
            “Detective Tombs and his assistant to see you, Baroness. Detective, I present Baroness Lily. Lily Clover.”
            Without a parting word the butler disappeared and closed the door, rather loudly, behind us.
            “Oh, welcome to my home, Detective. Please, draw the curtains.”    
            Detective Snidelock strode to the vast plate window and threw open the dusty curtains. Baroness Clover, a fine lady enveloped in a widow’s mourning gown of crushed velvet, blinked at the startling light. Her beautiful face was papery with shock and her sparrow’s eyes had a haunted, darting manner as if she expected the killer to appear at any moment from behind the couch or slithering from under the oriental carpet.
            “I am so glad you have come. When I sent word for help to Scotland Yard last night, I didn’t expect such a quick response. You have exceeded my expectations, Detective Tombs.”
            Tombs pet his mustache. “Call me Snidelock, Baroness. Please, tell us about last night. George, take notes.”
            “Last evening I awoke to a piercing scream from the west wing of the house, maybe around 11:00. My husband is… was a very busy doctor and had been reading in the library when I went to bed, something to do with a medical case he had been working on. As I neared the library I heard a clatter and the sound of retreating footsteps, then a banging sound. When I opened the library door I saw no one but my husband, napping in his reading chair. It wasn’t until I stepped forward to wake him and ask about an intruder that I realized he was- was-,” here the Baroness took a moment to press her shaking hands to her face, trying to regain control of her emotions. With a deep breath, she continued, “Dead. He had been stabbed several times with a silver knife which the killer had dropped in flight. No one has touched the body or the library, anticipating your investigation.”
            “I see. Who else lives on this estate, Baroness?”
            “Well, lets see. There’s Wilkes Kingsly the Butler, the maid Alice, and our cook, Smithy. Since it was just the Baron and I we didn’t require much help. We didn’t entertain often due to my husband’s work.”
            George looked up from where he’d been scribbling. “Baroness, did your husband have any enemies?”
            Snidelock shot George an irritated glance. “I was getting to that, George. Let me ask the questions.” Turning to the Baroness he smiled and asked,” Enemies?”
            The Baroness looked momentarily confused. “No, not James. The Baron was a kind man and avoided conflict whenever possible. He was a very reclusive man, only leaving the house to treat special patients. In fac- oh! There was this one woman. Apparently she died during an operation and her husband blamed James for her loss. He sent a nasty letter threatening revenge but nothing came of it. I always thought it was the grief talking. Would you like to take the letter as evidence?”
            Snidelock stood. “No thank you, Baroness. Perhaps later if it pans out, but for now I wish to inspect the scene of the crime. If you will…?”
            “Of course. This way, please.”
            Baroness Clover led us through a hall to the next wing of the estate. Besides the swish of her grim skirts the house was deathly silent. We soon came to a looming set of doors, and she paused.
            “If- If you don’t mind I’ll stay here. The sight would not be well for my nerves. Please take all the time you need.”
            Snidelock pushed open the door with no hesitation. The library was enormous and lit here and there with a tinted lamp. Shelves of aged tomes were stacked from floor to ceiling, and a man was collapsed into the cushy chair in the corner. Snidelock strode forward with no apparent aversion to the corpse and inspected the scene. He leaned forward until his nose was almost touching the dead Baron’s and peered into the glassy eyes. “Very interesting,” he sniffed once then dropped to the hardwood floor and crawled around the ground on all fours, then over to the wall of bookshelves. As suddenly as he had fallen he sprang up with ludicrous energy and began pulling books from the shelves and throwing them about.
            Hearing the commotion, the Baroness peeked timidly around the door. “Is everything alright in there?”
            “Quite fine, Baroness. I’m simply deducting the movements of the killer. You never know when a hidden passageway will arise! I shall be finished in a moment.” With that Snidelock frowned at the exposed wall and abandoned his endeavors to study the weapon. He picked up the knife from the carpet and examined it closely. “George, take careful note of the knife. We might have to compare it to the estate’s silverware later.”
            “I already did, Sir. While you were…investigating the books.”
            “Fine then, take note of the body!” Tombs sniffed and started stabbing an invisible assailant from several angles.
            The assistant hesitantly approached the corpse. It really seemed as if the Baron were simply asleep. With his eyes open. And stab wounds. George scribbled his observations and tweaked his glasses. Six wounds, all to the chest. The Baron was wearing pajamas, a moth-eaten robe, and a red and white silk scarf was tied around his neck. No, not a red and white scarf; a blood stained white scarf. George slid his pencil under the cloth and pulled back to reveal a wide incision in the Baron’s neck, like that of a blunter or larger knife. He shuddered and stepped back, letting the scarf fall back into place.
            Snidelock was still searching the shelves for clues and tossing them willy-nilly over the floor. George noticed one book that stood out from the rest. It was mauve, crackly leather bound medical tome on the anatomy and inner workings of the heart. It was aged and had a deep tear in the leather that almost pierced the yellowed pages within.
            There was a sudden bang as Snidelock thumped his cane and called the Baroness into the library. “I have come to a conclusion, Baroness! Call for the butler as well!”
            When everyone was gathered, the baroness wincing at the sight of the late Baron, Snidelock cleared his throat and announced, “I have deduced that the killer was wielding a silver dinner knife. The Baron’s cause of death was stabbing.” He paused and smiled proudly.
            There was a short silence. “And?” meekly asked the Baroness.
            “And  I believe I have narrowed down the suspect list. The crook must have left the library through the yonder window, as you can see over there,” he gestured to a large latched window facing the servant’s buildings, “ …and thus the servant must be a worker on the grounds!”
            George frowned. “I don’t see how that would indicate tha-“
            “Oh, be quiet lad. Never question the sleuthing skills of a senior detective. Now, on to the servants quarters!”
            Snidelock flung open the window and hopped out onto the lawn, fully expecting everyone to do the same. One by one we stepped through the window and followed. As Snidelock was about to walk right into the servant’s quarters when a looming shape appeared at the door. An impressive butcher knife was held in his meaty hand and dripped scarlet onto his vast leather boots. The bald man glared at Snidelock with intensity and then swung the knife to point to Tomb’s chest. “You don’t belong here. Leave the estate immediately. Or else.”
            Snidelock giggled nervously and began to back away.
            “Smitty! That man’s a detective come to investigate the Baron’s murder,” exclaimed the Butler as he neared, helping the Baroness with a steady hand.
            “Aye, James. I didn’t know.” The burly man stepped aside and wiped the knife on his apron.
            “Well, then. Would you like to explain why you are threatening people with a massive bloodly knife, sir?” asked Snidelock with a new surge of bravado after he had realized there was no danger.
            “I was cutt’in the meat for tonight’s roast. I’m the estate’s chef, and a fine one too.”
            George scribbled in his notebook: “Possible suspect? More than capable of wielding knives. Motivation? Alibi?”
            “And where, pray tell, were you last night about 1:00 am?” asked Snidelock.
            “On my way back from town. I went shopping for supplies at yesterday’s market and went to the Three Blind Mice for a drink. Lost track of time and was late starting back. It was raining terrible it was, almost got ran over by a reckless carriage I did. Didn’t make it home until late and by then the house was all a fuss over the murder.”
            More scribbling: “Alibi: Grocery. Validate with Mice Bar if necessary. Motivation: Money, breakfast revenge. Very possible suspect.”
            “Mighty convenient, eh?”
            The Cook’s swarthy cheeks reddened. “The baron was mighty picky about his bangers, and tight with his pocketbook sometimes, but it’s a real shame, to die like that! I would never have murdered the Baron!”
            Tombs sniffed and turned to the Butler. “What about you, James? Where were you last night?”
            The Butler stiffened. “I was working.”
            “Working? On what?”
            “My duties. I didn’t have time to do it earlier this week so I was up late polishing the silver.”
            “How coincidental that you polished the silver the very same night your master was stabbed to death by a silver knife! Tell me, Butler, did that knife belong to the Clover Estate?”
            “Why, yes. Yes it did.”
            “Perhaps,” drawled Snidelock, “Perhaps you had a motive for murder, Butler. You were having an affair with Baroness Clover, weren’t you?”
            The Baroness stiffened, shocked. The Butler was pale as the mist that swirled at their feet, revealing the truth of the matter.
            “It was easy to see. A busy husband who cared more for medical anomalies than his lovely wife, you were driven into the arms of the Butler. Is this not so? Under no other circumstances would the help refer to their master on an intimate first name basis as when you introduced us to the Baroness.”
            “How di- Well, yes. It is true. The Baron and I were never close, in a way his death is a relief. I did care for him, but I never loved James the way I love Wilkes.”
            “That blows the case wide open, then!” exclaimed Snidelock. “It’s obvious who the killer is. Baron Clover’s murderer is-“
           
            Who do you, Reader, think murdered Baron Clover? The adulterous Baroness, neglected by her busy husband? Her lover, the butler, killing to rid himself of his ladylove’s rival? The bloody butcher with a fabulous collection of knives and anger at mistreatment? Or someone else? Turn the Page to find out the true killer’s identity…





...





            “Hold it right there, Detective! I know exactly who the killer is, and it isn’t anyone on this estate,” George interrupted, fixing Snidelock with a calm gaze.
            “Whatever do you mean, young man?” asked the widowed Baroness. “There are no other suspects. Are there?”
            “Lad, you don’t know what you’re speaking of. Now be quiet as I reveal the killer,” Snidelock looked apprehensive. Almost nervous.
            “Not any longer, Tombs. I know I’m right. You, Snidelock Tombs, are the murderer.”
            A shocked gasp rippled through the onlookers.
            “Are you mad, boy? I’m a detective! My occupation is fighting crime. I have no reason to commit murder.”
            “But you did, Detective. Murder fueled your life. You’ve investigated so many cases that you know how a killer thinks, how a killer acts. When your flamboyant ways and lack of solved cases became apparent, you had to impress Scotland Yard with a stroke of genius that would’ve bumped you up to Head Detective, maybe even Commissioner someday. So you planned it all out. A rich, respected family like the Clovers. A sudden murder. You must have been lurking around the area for weeks, planning every aspect of the case. The suspects, the victim, the timing, the weapon; everything. No doubt in your snooping and investigating you discovered the affair quite quickly. Last night you came here, to the Clover Estate, killed the Baron in the library, and fled back to London just in time to receive the call for help this morning.”
            Snidelock’s face had drained of color and his mustache quivered. “I grant the alibi might be plausible, but what evidence could you possibly have?”
            George opened his notebook with a grin. “I have been taking notes, you know. First of all, your boots.”
            Everyone turned to inspect Snidelock’s boots. “What about them?” sneered Snidelock.
            “When we left the carriage I noticed that they were already dirty with dried mud. It was only after I’d left the carriage that they were dirtied.”
            “Circumstantial evidence!” scoffed the detective.
            “Is it? Well, on to my next piece of evidence. When the Butler answered the door you informed him that we were here to investigate a murder. It wasn’t until later that we were enlightened as to what kind of an emergency the Baroness had called to Scotland Yard for help with. It might have been any kind of emergency, but you knew it was murder.”
            “That won’t convince anyone, you foolish boy!”
            “Won’t it? How about the body? From a quick observation the Baron was stabbed to death with a silver house knife. However, on closer inspection, I believe the actual cause of death was not from the knife. That was only done later to mask the true cause. The Baron was actually killed with a blow to the neck by a wide, sharp edged object. An object such as your personalized cane, there. If the coroner was to test the beak of the bronze peacock to the wound I think he would find they match perfectly. Not only that, but you disguised the wound with one of your own silk scarves, didn’t you?”
            George saw his answer is the perspiration dripping odd Snidelock’s brow and the rage in his eyes.
            “There was one thing I couldn’t figure out, though. Why use your cane when you had planned to murder with the knife all along? It doesn’t make sense. It wasn’t until you were knocking the books from the shelves, supposedly looking for a hidden passageway, that I realized the truth. You weren’t searching for anything, you were trying to hide evidence.
            When you attacked Baron Clover with the knife he wasn’t entirely helpless. He must have reflexively blocked that first blow with the medical journal he was reading and knocked the blade from your hand. He had just began to scream for help. You had to quiet him, so you struck with the only weapon you had handy: your peacock cane. The blow to the jugular was what really killed Baron Clover. The stab wounds were only to mislead everyone. The book, sliced from the blade, fell to the floor. Instead of draw attention by singling out the book, you simply mixed it in with the other books.”
            “Why you!” Snidelock lunged for George, his cane held high and fury burning in his wild eyes. Smitty caught the neck of Tomb’s ridiculous suit and held him back with a thick fist. George wrenched the cane from the detective’s grasp and tossed it lightly in the air.
            “Thank you, kind Sir. If you wouldn’t mind, could you keep an eye on him until backup can arrive? Scotland Yard should be very interested to hear of this case, I should think.”
            “I would have gotten away with it, I WOULD HAVE! I deserved that title, I’m a genius!” Tombs fumed.
            “I have to say that in a twisted way your plan was elementary, my dear Snidelock. But you can’t escape the hounds of justice forever.”
THE END

Farewell, America!
-Hannah