You're On Your Own, Rapunzel!

What do fat men, mysterious packages, and bankruptcy have in common? Thats right. It's Christmas.

It certainly doesn't feel like it, though. Wheres the snow? The surprise relatives? The carolers to use as moving targets in our snowball fights? For that matter, WHERES MY HAIR?

Sorry, its been a weird week. Since I was a wee muffin of a child I've had long hair. Of course I wasn't born with long hair and looked much like Dora the Explorer as a kid minus the backpack, and the map, and the fox and the Spanish heritage... Anyways! Since I was planning to be a princess when I grew up I decided that I must have long, Rapunzel-esq locks or lore. And I did. It just grew and grew like a brunette chia pet until it was here this summer (after I had cut off a few inches): 

I guess every princess has to grow up some day. Plus I was sick of getting tangled in my hair and waking up bound in a cocoon of hair in the morning. So was Laurel, Steph, or Victoria whenever they slept over. Oh, and of sitting on it. Besides choking thugs or pulling princes up towers, there wasn't much I could do with my super-locks. So, yesterday, it all came off. 

Let me rephrase that. I didn't go bald or bobbed, but I did cut off more than i've ever done before. Some people would say I still have long hair. I feel like a newly shaven monk, ready to don my scratchy robes and move to the nearest monastery. You know when people who have lost a appendage through accidents/war/freak golfing accidents explain how they can still feel the limb after its long gone? Same with my hair...only a lot less serious. I'll reach for my braid to twiddle with it during math and meet thin air. Oh, its so weird.

    

I've been wondering about why people grow so attached to their hair? (See what I did there? Ha ha- oh, forget it.) A scientist would say that it is "Any of the cylindrical, keratinized, often pigmented filaments characteristically growing from the epidermis of a mammal". A romantic would say it is a woman's crowning glory, the first thing people notice about you. The Bible talks about hair quite a lot. About not being vain about hair, Sampson and his miraculous hair, and all sorts of steamy similes in Song of Soloman. One such example is : 

"Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel. Your hair is like royal tapestry; the king is held captive by its tresses." - S o' S 7:5  

(They don't call the Bible the greatest love letter ever written for nothing. Also possibly the longest one.)

Whatever the ultimate reason for the value of hair, men don't seem to particularly notice hair. Guys might notice a girl's hair from time to time but as to their own they seem to think of it as a bothersome bush that needs to be pruned from time to time and largely ignored. Well, American boys anyway. In Europe one of the things that set the men apart (besides their flawless fashion sense, buttery accents, and "handbags") was their hair. These were men who actually had a hairstyle. Who used products other than 2 in 1 Dandruff Shampoo. Who cared what their hair looked like. On the con side, i'm pretty sure they spend more time on their hair than I do. 

The more time that passes I like my new haircut more and more. Plus my family's hair grows super fast. One thing is for sure though; if I ever get locked in a tower i'm going to have to find my own way down.

Beware of Portly Men Sliding Down Your Chimney,
-Hannah 

Things I Don't Know About (aka Sports)

Google Images. Like Every other picture unless I specify.

I looked over my blog this week and realized that I write about a lot of the same stuff over and over. I write a lot about food (its just that good), dancing, math, trips I promise to write about eventually (but never do because I'd never stop), sleep (or lack there-of), and everything is splattered in lolcatz and gifs. I think I might have a slight fascination...

Anyway, things are gonna change around here. Today i'm going to write only about things I don't know about, breaking one of the time-tested rules of literature. Well, literary rules can go hide under the sofa and read Wooster and Jeeves until i'm done.

So...things I don't know about. This could take awhile.

-Football
Albert Pujols plays football, right? Or-wait. Nevermind.
Football is one of the more interesting sports. People being tackled, dog piled, and occasionally breaking a femur. What I want to know is who's idea it was to dress the players in skin-tight spandex and padded shirts? They have one a sadistic stylist.
See http://hannah-hoo.blogspot.com/2011/02/wheres-etrade-baby.html

-Baseball

I do have experience with baseball! Well, if dancing on the field during Global Day of Prayer counts. Baseball has got to be the slowest game known to man besides snail racing and competitive paint drying. However, the last baseball game I went to was not a complete bust. I got ice-cold coke, a hot dog, and finishe Fantastic Spiderman, Volume 1. Besides that I vaguely remember that the cardinals were playing a blue team. You can guess who won. (Sorry, Matt and all people who love that all-american past time. Go here for a buddy:http://hometowndiscount.blogspot.com/)

-Golf
WHY? What makes people want to watch as people hit a little white ball with a little silver stick into a little green hole. Golf does, however, make excellent TV to watch when you need a good nap.

Honestly, the only reason i'd watch golf is this guy.

-Tennis
David Tate is the only person who has ever made tennis sound interesting, I have to say. So that elevates it to being more interesting than baseball, less interesting than football. At least people occasionally get pelted with a furry green ball. Now that's entertaining.

(Ok, lets just assume for the moment i'm virtually clueless about everything sports-related. But I do like soccer.)

-Being enrolled in real, honest-to-badness public school. Sure, i've seen the movies and read the books about the pop facade of High School, but i've never actually experienced it for myself. The few times I have stepped into a public school (for testing, contests, etc.) everyone seems to be sleepwalking.And texting.

-Having Short Hair
Correction, I did have short hair when I was about 6. Then I watched the Disney princess movies and had the idea that princesses have long hair firmly stuck into my little cranium. Now its waist-length and I don't know if I could ever just snip-snap  it all off. Plus it really would come in handy as a scarf, an aid for tower-climbing princes, and for strangling attackers. Or anyone who tries to cut it.

-Being in a romantic relationship
The closest thing i've had to a boyfriend is Peter Pan when I was 10. Like every relationship, we had our problems. Him being fictional was the tie-breaker. Honestly, i'd like to wait for romance until college. I don't want to give away little pieces of my heart to short-term boyfriends to only meet my future husband and bestow him with swiss-cheese affection. Not to say that dating in high school isn't right for everyone, its just what I choose. I know i'm not ready, at least at this moment in time, to deal with someone else's emotions as well as my own. Someday, some lucky guy.

-The Simpsons
Yup, i'm in that 10% minority that hasn't seen an episode of the Simpsons. Just a clip or commercial here or there.

-Twilight (Books and Movies)
...and i'm also the minority that hasn't seen/read Twilight. Unattractive, undead, pale, sparkly vampire dudes just aren't my cup of tea. Nor guys who can't keep their shirt on and have excessive hair issues, though shapeshifters are much more pulchy than bloodsuckers. Probably the real reason I haven't read/watched the series is i'm too easily hooked on "doomed romance" cliff-hanger series.

(I'm really in a lot of minorities, huh? But, still human. Probably. ;)

-Politics
This is like the floor of a movie theater: a sticky subject and something I don't usually stay on for too long if I can help it. I know the basics: Total government control: bad.This guy is the good guy, you want him to win the election. This guy is the bad guy, you don't want him to win. They will challenge each other to a traditional duel with swords to become president of the united states. See? I know everything I need to about our government.

-Being an only child
Oh, that fabled childhood of the chosen few. Still, I wouldn't trade my siblings for the world (unless it comes with chocolate rivers and cotton candy clouds). My years of being a older sister/default mother have trained me well. I can change a diaper in my sleep, repair stuffed animals with super glue and paper clips, and carry multiple children at once. Being a mister (fake mother/sister) has given me a love of children, the skills to care for my own children in the future, and the resolve to put off having said children for a long time. Oh, the day when I can open a pack of gum- no, anything, and a chorus of voices don't call out: "CAN I HAVE ONE, TOOOOOO?"

Those are just a few of the things I don't know about. Looking back at the list, I sound far too stereo-typical homeschooler. If I had a nobel prize and constantly wore floor-length jean skirts it would complete the picture. Honestly, people, i'm not that strange! Now, where did I put my new gene-splicing make-your-own clone kit?

Jellyfish is the new black,
-Hannah