Learn From My Mistakes

In the past 18 years...I've made some really stupid mistakes. Mistakes like accidentally pulling fire alarms (yes, plural), and pushing my older brother down a flight of stairs (less accidental), and being overly-honest and telling a woman at the supermarket she looked like a fat pumpkin (let me clarify that all the above example happened in my childhood. mostly.). I think about situations and conversations and I sometimes wonder, was I just a wee bit insane? The answer is yes, but so is everyone else.

As I move on to write the next chapter of my life, here is some advice from the footnotes of my own experiences that will make life a little less crazy for you.  In other words, learn from mistakes. 

•           Don’t be afraid to hold the unpopular opinion.
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•           Having fun isn't hard…when you’ve got a library card.
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•          If you want an interesting or unique signature, figure out what you want it to look like before you turn 18.
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•           Never take candy from strangers. Unless it is a Reese's peanut butter cup.
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•         Normal isn't an attainable or definable goal.
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•           Do things that scare you. Not things like getting a full-back tattoo of a dolphin or watching “The Exorcist”, but even scarier things, like introducing yourself to a stranger or standing up for prayer.
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•           If you’re in a relationship where you think the other person would die without you: get out. Unless they are hanging off a cliff, in that case they really might die.
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•           If you have a question about God, or the Bible, etc. ASK. Humbly seek truth and wisdom. It’s not a sign of unbelief, it’s a sign of spiritual growth. God will prove true every time.
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•           Bowties are cool.
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•           Try every new experience at least twice. This does not apply to murder and wearing uggs.
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•           If someone calls you weird, a nerd, or a homeschooler, try to be humble as you thank them for their compliment.
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•           It can be hard to remember sometimes when we’re teaching them to use electronics, but our parents aren't stupid, they aren't your enemies. The family you are placed in is not a mistake. Always remember that your parents want the best for you and, believe it or not, can be some of your best friends.
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•           Life is too short to wear pants around the house.
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•           Always check for loose change under vending machines, in couches, and in the pockets of your winter coats. If you really want to find some dough look in your wealthier friend’s couch and coat.
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•           Your shirt should be tight enough to show you are a woman and loose enough to show you are a lady.
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•          Everyone is just a little insane.
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•           Find out what you want and become the kind of person you’d want to meet.
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•           You can’t change people, especially not through marriage. God is the only one who can truly mold a heart.
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•           Never lower your standards, except when you’re looking for a snack and haven’t gone grocery shopping in awhile.
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•     When someone angrily asks you, "Do you think you could do this better?!" don't say yes. 
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•           You are going to make mistakes. Small potatoes like failing a test and big mistakes like failing a friend.
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•           Learn to laugh at yourself.
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•           Always bring an emergency snack.
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•          Never miss the opportunity to compliment someone.
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•          Good friends validate you, great friends vindicate you.
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•           If you’re unhappy and single, you won’t be any happier being in a relationship.
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•           If you can’t touch your toes while wearing it, you probably shouldn't wear it. If you just can’t touch your toes, that’s really sad and you should stretch more.
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•           Never trust a person who wears turtlenecks. Or, when given the choice between vanilla and chocolate, chooses vanilla.
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•           You will never regret spending a little time with God and in His word. You will regret two straight hours of Angry Birds.
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•          Fall in Love, not in Lust.
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•           If you’re having fun but really have to pee, go pee. The party will still be there when you get back.
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•           No one is perfect. Seriously. Not even Orlando Bloom. Maybe.
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•           These are not the best years of your life.
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•           When in doubt of what to say, shut up. Then you’ll at least appear to be wise.
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•     If you like it... you should put a ring on it.
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•           Have a list of adults who you can go to for advice, guidance, and prayer. No matter how wonderful your friends are, they’re in the same mess.
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•           Never send exiled Arab princes money after they sends you a pleading email. And, I’m sorry to say, you are never the 100^th site visitor who won a free ipad.
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•           Read ravenously. Biographies, science fiction, mystery, Do-It-Yourself, the back of cereal boxes; it doesn't matter. Just find what interests you and pursue it.
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•           Just because you disagree doesn't mean you can’t be friends.
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•           Always buy the cheaper, offbrand version. This does not apply to Rolexes, parachutes, or meat.
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•           Wikipedia is not God.
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•           When cheating on a test don’t write, “Answers May Vary”. Scratch that, just don’t cheat. It always come back to bite you.
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•           Tea can solve more problems than you’d think.
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•           If you deliberately hurt  yourself, or wonder if death is an escape route, or cry yourself to sleep every night; get help. You’re not ok, but you’re not alone, either.
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•           Ignore every magazine advice column you've read on what guys do or do not like and how to act accordingly. If this is the man who is going to eventually witness your snoring,  your bizarre eating habits, and plunge your toilet he’d better love you for exactly who you are, cause that’s what he is getting.
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•           When trying to make a choice, ask yourself, “Will this decision matter to me in 5 years?”
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•           Don’t advertise what isn't for sale.
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•           Never try to cut your own hair, no matter how easy the youtube tutorial looks.
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•           Anyone can tell you you’re beautiful. Look for the guy who compliments you for non-physical reasons.
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•          Save your word documents every 15 minutes.
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•           Learn how to bake. It is an essential tool to succeeding at life.You think i'm joking but i'm not. 
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•           Don’t eat your feelings.
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•      Don't Google your medical symptoms. (Bruised shin? Bloody nose? Eye twitch? Surprise!You're dying.)
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•           Travel. Anywhere, everywhere. And don’t fall asleep on strangers while taking public transport.
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•           Don’t create an email address that contains the words princess, pink, die, bubbles, fluffy, sparkle, gurl spelled with a u, or really anything else you’d be ashamed to tell a future employer.
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•          And finally, give up trying to be who other people think you should be and meeting their expectations. God is the only person you should strive to please.

- Dance it out,

     Hannah 

How to Tell If You've Grown Up

You might be a 'grown up' if...

1. Have more than 3 keys on your keychain. Scratch that: Need a keychain.

2. Gone to medical appointments alone.

3. Gone grocery shopping and payed.

4. Know how to cook more than ramen and pbandj.

5.Appreciate naps.

6. Babies become cute, not drooling dumpling people. 

7. Have multiple plastic cards in your wallet.

8.Understand and fiercely grammer-nazi the difference between "you're" and "your"

9. Know when to say "Whom" but choose to say "Who" anyway because "Whom" sounds like Shakespeare making owl sounds.

10. Now take interest in "old people" hobbies like gardening and documentaries.

11. Cleaning, and not because someone told you to.

12. Holding intellectual discussions about politics, regardless of whether you understand what you're saying or not.

13. Go to bed before 10 o'clock.

14. You shower daily. Shower at all, really.

15. Being able to tell if an article of clothing is wrinkled or not.

16. Having the impulse to buy candles by the dozens and lighting them for ambiance when people visit.

17. Getting a cold doesn't mean you get to stay at home and watch "Blue's Clues" and drink sprite all day.

18. Thanksgiving in no longer about eating as much food as possible but about not overdoing it.

19. Christmas isn't the season where you get loads of presents but when you go bankrupt buying loads of presents.

20. Understand the historical significance of the 4th of July.

21. Can buy your own pop rocks and superglue.

22. Choose to watch kid's movies not because you're a kid but because you know they're better.

23. "What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up" becomes "Where Do You Want To Retire Some Day?"

24. When your realize 40 isn't ancient.

25. You call grown-ups by their first names.

26. Learning is a desire, not a duty.

27. You exercise.

28. Fast Food begins to taste less and less appetizing.

29. Have a viable love life. And your love interests aren't fictional characters. 

30. Eat whats good for you, not what you want. And think about calories. 

31. Thought about wrinkles and how to avoid them.

32. Appreciate classical music.

33. Have bills.

34. Have multiple important documents that aren't playing cards of any kind. 

35. Own more than 1 pair of sensible shoes.

36. You have "real clothes" and "comfortable clothes".

37. You've mourned a loved one, and i'm not talking about a dropped ice cream cone. 

38. You stop being a part of your parent's religion and begin experiencing God one-on-one. 

39. You've bought appliances. 

40. Knowing you'll never fully, truly, grow up.

 Peter Pan Syndrome,
-Hannah Hoo

I'm An "Adult"

My mouth is full of the sickly-yellow taste of stamps, my fingers smarting from the sting of envelope paper cuts, and my homework in procrastinated stacks about me. Theres no doubt; its Graduation Season, and i've been plagued with a bad case of "Senior-itis" for several months now. Its like I've been carrying a time-sensitive bomb in my backpack for the last 12 years and the smaller the countdown-digits get, the faster I run to throw the bomb in a fridge or over the side of a bridge, not caring what grades or essay assignments are casualties in my path.

I'm sitting here, relatively alone in the library with summer sunshine pouring in, steaming the books so their spines give off the heady aroma of old books, the white noise of students chattering outside and the grumbling of a colicky baby. Somehow, though, I'm full of silence. Not silence: pondering. The eye in the storm amongst all the final-stressed students. For me though, and many of my classmates, it is my ultimate final: the final day of high school.

After 12 groaningly-long years of word problems out the wazoo, finger-cramping essays, and more time pulling all-nighters than sleeping as a whole....you'd think i'd break into an impromptu musical number a la HSM movies with a full team of back-up dancers and pyrotechnics. But instead, i'm at a standstill. A part of me, of course, is frothing at the mouth in relief and excitement. Another part of me is sitting quietly at a crossroads, or standing on the sheer edge of a cliff, knowing I can't go back and its time to take the leap of faith. And so, I ponder. A friend and I were talking about it earlier and agreed graduating from high school is rather like being a kite or balloon finally released into the air: wild, independent, but at the hands of the wind's whims and without anchor. Freedom has it's price. And balloons are easily popped.

Saying goodbye to my peers, people who've I've toiled side-by-side with for years, is rather like saying my goodbyes in preparation for my impending death, to put it morbidly. Teary eyes and last goodbyes and hugs. A LOT of hugs. Hugs from close friends. Hugs from not-so-close-friends. Hugs from people I know and people I've only waived to in passing. Hugs from total strangers I don't think I go to school with. Suddenly, everyone's your best friend. And everything, I mean EVERYTHING, becomes nostalgic. That sink in the bathroom that always sprays up so it looks like you wet your pants? The water fountain that burbles milky water and everyones afraid to drink? (I seems so far i've developed a deep emotional connection with the plumbing.) And that chalkboard that always screeches horribly, the cockroaches, that funny "science room smell" that is likely toxic to humans after extended exposure? Good times, good times.

As I am now 18 and, in the eyes of the law, an "adult", it feels rather like playing dress up. I've got the costume, I'm in character, I know my script; but on the inside I'm still that same little girl in her Phocohontas PJs, sitting at my bedroom window on a steamy summer night singing nonsensical songs in harmony with the cicadas for all the sleeping neighborhood to hear. Ahem, *was* sleeping neighborhood to hear.

Its a really strange feeling, for the first time in 12 years, to not know where i'll be next summer. I used to expect every year to be generally the same, only with progressively more difficult classes. Now? The skies the limit. I could be travelling the world: eating pizza in Italy, being an exotic hermit in Hawaii, speeding around Corfu, Greece on a vespa.  However, when you factor in a student's part time job earnings, my exotic locales are narrowed down to pitching a tent and roasting marshmallows in the Wallmart parking lot, living for a few days hidden away in the clothes racks of Khols surviving on trail mix, or spending a night camping out in the jungle gym of the nearest park, Katniss-style.

All in all, however, I learned a lot in High School. How to make a 7 ft. pinata globe, how to raise my grade from a C to an A in a week, how to stay awake all night, how to sound like I know what i'm writing about in an essay, that vocabulary = money, Benjamin Franklin was a pervy old creep, and that I never want to read Moby Dick again. Ever. As a shoutout to those in my life who got me this far i'd like to thank my parents, my friends, God, and his lesser known saints, Wikipedia and Google.

Let's Blow This Popsicle Stand,

Hannah the "Adult"