(I really like this picture. To me this says worship. Just look at their faces! They look so moved...)The question on my mind today:
"What is Worship?"
The Dictionary says:
–noun
1.
2.
formal or ceremonious rendering of such honor and homage:They attended worship this morning.
3.
adoring reverence or regard: excessive worship of businesssuccess.
4.
the object of adoring reverence or regard.
Or,
a feeling of profound love and admiration
Almost two years ago now I choreographed and performed a worship dance for my church to the song "My Redeemer Lives". My mom and I began preparing more songs with other women from my church, about one dance a month. On Sunday mornings I dance in the front and a little to the side of the congregation while my mom pushes a handicapped boy named Jesse in his wheelchair.
Dancing on during Sunday worship service was a struggle for me, still is. The idea of dancing from the heart, not thinking it out and choreographing it first, intimidated me. I've always been a people pleaser, so truly letting go and dancing while an entire congregation of people watched me? Terrifying. Still, I dance.
For several months now, I've felt so awkward and uncomfortable dancing. When I examine my heart attitude and reasons for dancing, they aren't what I'd hoped for. When I was forming my first dance, it wasn't because I expected to perform it for my church. It was because I felt moved to dance for God, I wanted to seek him and glorify him through song and movement. I wanted to worship him, alone in my basement. My heart was in the right place.
The reason why I dance for my church, I've come to see, wasn't as much to please God as it was to please my mom. I wanted to meet her expectations, make her proud by dancing during church. I said it was for God, yet now I question if that was(is) my truest motivation?
So what do I do? Do I stop dancing, take a break to meditate on God and try to return to the true heart of worship?
Am I truly worshiping?
Confused,
~Hannah Hoo
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